Life and Death and Life and Death
by Xena Avenger
Summary: Angel and Buffy have started dating again, but an encounter with a Morah demon changes things between them...but will it really be for the better...or are they eternally doomed?
1. The end of you

This is a random Angel becomes human idea. Yeah not too original on _how_ he becomes human, but differs from most fan-fictions on what happens afterward.

* * *

Three months, that's how long it's been since she and Angel resumed dating. Dating that particular vampire again wasn't something Buffy had been expecting, but now that it was happening, she wondered how she ever got on without him.

Their relationship was different than it had been while she was a high school student; it was more…adult now. There was still the curse to worry about, so no 'perfect happiness' between them allowed; but a little 'really happy' hadn't hurt anyone so far.

They couldn't have sex, but in the same sentence, they didn't need sex.

There was always more to them than physical attraction to one another, on a simpler scale, they just loved being in each others company.

They started out slow, patrolled together, killing demons and other bumps in the night.

Angel finally took her out for a real cup of coffee, without something occult getting in the way.

They went to a few movies, but made sure it was well advertised and had nothing to do with 'banquets'.

He even took her to dinner a few times, actually eating along with her; he could eat human food, it just offered no sustenance or flavor for him. However Buffy's smiling face across the table had made up for any negatives.

They had sped things up after a month of casual dating, now they lived together in her apartment, had been for the last two months. Both were satisfied with what they had, it wasn't exactly a normal life, but neither expected to get anything similar to one of those elusive destinies.

Of course, as they should have known, as soon as things slowed down, as activity settled into an easy routine…something always happens to shake things up. That night was no exception.

...

The couple were walking down an empty alleyway, the only other movement around was from the gentle night breeze blowing bits of trash around in tiny twisters. Their shoe falls the only sounds except the chirp of crickets and the far off night sounds of a city that never sleeps. They were talking quietly, discussing a movie that saw last week.

"I'm sorry Buffy, but I just can't see people living on spaceships and talking with a cowboy accent….it's just…wrong." Angel confessed.

Buffy shook her head, "Are you sure you just can't get over the idea of spaceships? I mean what was the latest technology in your teen days? Flushing toilet?"

Angel chuckles, "Actually that wasn't invented until 1775."

Buffy sent him a scowl, "Then where did you…um…go?"

Angel shrugged, "Outhouse if you had one, anywhere else if you didn't. People wondered why disease was such a problem then…"

She made a face, "Eww."

He just squeezed her and a little tighter.

And then the fight started.

A creature materialized out of the darkness, green glowing eyes appearing before a humanoid body, wearing clothes strangely samurai-like, a sparkling red jewel adorned its forehead. "Vampire! You may have averted fate once, you shall not do so again." The demon threatened in a voice as rough as stone.

The Morah demon charged forward, colliding with the heroes and tossing Buffy and Angel backwards, the duo landing tangled together in a heap.

Angel rolled off of her and stood, extending a hand to her to help her up. "What was that about?" she asked, wondering what the demon meant by 'averted fate once'.

He knew exactly what the Morah referred to, a day that was lost to all the world but him. The best day of his life that never happened. He had no intentions of telling Buffy about it, it would only hurt her. "Don't know, I'll ask him." He lied and charged.

The Morah was fast and strong; Angel ducked a blow to the head but fell back as his gut was kicked violently.

Buffy shimmied in and tried to get the demon in a headlock, it almost worked, but the green creature managed to worm a hand under her locked arm and toss her off. She landed with a thud and skidded a few feet.

When she regained her feet she cured, "Damn it!" she said looking down at the rip in her new shirt, "So killing this thing." She promised as she reached down and pick up a length of broken rebar.

"Wait" the vampire asked as he grabbed her shoulder as she tried to run past him and confront the demon.

"I remember, smash the jewel." She said quickly. She remembered watching him expertly kill one of these demons in seconds in his apartment years ago.

"Let me do it" he asked, "Trust me." He insisted.

She hesitated then stepped aside. "Ok, but if it rips your head off, don't come crying to me."

He chuckled, "I wont."

A moment later Angel and the Morah were locked in combat, each blow Angel delivered was blocked, the Morah was advancing. The demon punched the vampire back, buying him time to draw his sword.

Buffy knew Angel wanted to kill the demon, but she sure as hell wasn't going to stand aside as it killed her boyfriend, or poked hole in him...she didn't enjoy that either.

She charged as Angel was knocked out, "Nobody messes with my boyfriend!" her makeshift rebar sword locking with the demons, and they fought evenly matched.

"I will not fail again, the End of Days may have passed, but the end of you has just begun!" the demon yelled as he swung the sword.

Buffy twisted to avoid the blow, but the demon swung an armored hand into her head, momentarily stunning her. As she fell, the demon raised his sword, and plunged it downward.

Angel yelled as he rammed the demon, taking them both down hard.

The Morah's sword clattered away as Angel began rapid fire punching the demon trapped beneath him.

Buffy grabbed the sword and stood behind Angel, waiting for an opening. The demon slammed his fist into Angel's gut, and then used the vampire's forward momentum to toss him off.

"I'm not done yet" Angel hissed, as he pulled a knife from his boot then stabbed the demon in the back as it faced towards Buffy.

The demon yelled in pain then swung around, catching Angel across the face and knocking him down.

He punched the Slayer hard when she tried to intervene, then he pulled the knife from his back.

Angel recovered and leapt at the demon, too late in seeing the knife.

A moment later, the Morah sunk the green blood covered knife into Angel's heart.

Angel gasped in pain as a white light surrounded him, the green monster pulled the blade out then Angel dropped to his knees on the ground.

"ANGEL!" Buffy yelled when she saw her love fall; she turned and charged the Morah, missing the light show.

Using the Slayer's forward momentum, the demon picked her up as she jumped at him, and sent her flying into Angel, who had been getting unsteadily to his feet. She collided hard with him, knocking him back into the wall. He fell boneless to the ground.

She recovered then quickly pulled the other small knife from Angel's boot. She rolled off the prone vamp then ran at the demon again.

Rage helped fuel her strength as she began to beat him back. She risked a glance towards Angel, just slowly getting back to his feet, but the momentary distraction was enough for the demon to use.

He flipped her again and sent her sprawling forward, into Angel, again; the force again sending them backwards into the wall and the knife in her hand buried itself between Angel's ribs.

"Sorry" she winced as Angel clutched the knife in his chest, a second later she gently slid it out. "I need to borrow this" she said as she turned to face the demon.

When the demon got close enough she rapid fired the knife into his head, shattering the jewel. The demon screamed then shattered along with it.

She sighed in relief, and then turned back to Angel.

He stood there, holding his ribs. He looked up at her and she noticed blood running down his chin.

"Buffy?" he whispered, then his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed against the wall.

"Angel!" she yelled as she ran next to him, "Angel what's…" her words died in her throat when she saw the amount of blood gushing from the wound in his chest.

'_Angel doesn't bleed, not like this._' Her mind whispered.

She instinctively clamped her hand over the hole, to stem the bleeding.

Shock hit her, his blood was hot.

A second later she realized the sound she heard was Angel's strained breaths.

_'He's breathing?'_ she thought.

A second of joy filled her as she felt his heart beating beneath her hands, but was suddenly lost in terror as she realized with each beat, more blood was forced from his now living body.

"O god, o god" she whispered in panic.

With her free hand she pulled her cell phone from her pocket, it was dead. She forgot to charge it.

"DAMN IT!" she yelled as she threw it against the wall, shattering it into oblivion. "Think…think Buffy." She yelled to herself.

She then reach into Angel's coat and pulled out his cell phone. She almost cried in relief when it turned on, and had signal.

She quickly dialed 911. A terribly long second later she heard, "911, what is your emergency?"

"Help, Please. I need help. O god, there is so much blood." She panicked into the phone.

"What is your name Ma'am?" The responder asked.

"Umm…Buffy, Buffy Summers."

"Ok Buffy. Where are you?"

"Ahh…an alley, um…o god, behind 34th I think." She said, trying to clear her mind enough to get help.

"What happened?"

"There's so much blood…" She whispered looking down, horrified.

"Ma'am? Was someone shot?"

"Stabbed, O god I stabbed him…I didn't mean…Please you have to help him!" She begged.

"I'm sending an ambulance. Are you sure it's 34th?"

"I…I think so…Angel? Please, wake up." She said looking down at his pale face.

"Angel? The man that was stabbed." The operator asked.

"Yeah.."

"Is he breathing?"

"Barely" She sobbed.

"How old is he?"

"I ahh…I'm not…umm…in his twenties?" The question caught Buffy off guard, she knew his real age...but who would believe that?

"Ok. Do you know him? Is he a friend?" The operated asked to both keep Buffy talking (and from panicking) and to collect data.

"He's…my husband." She lied, knowing she couldn't call him anything less at the moment.

"Your husband? Ok. What happened?"

"We…we were mugged. We tried to fight off the mugger, Angel was stabbed. O god…"

"Where is the wound?"

"Uhh…his chest, between the ribs…his lung I think."

"Do you see blood on his lips when he exhales?"

She nodded.

"Ma'am?" The phone tech asked, not being able to see the nod and not hearing a response.

"Sorry…Yes…I...I have my hand over the wound, but its still bleeding. A lot."

"Good, keep even pressure. The paramedics should be there soon."

"I hear the siren." Buffy replied, a little slice of relief.

"Ok, I'll stay on the line with you until they arrive."

"Ok…. Angel? Angel! O God! He stopped breathing!" Buffy panicked as she watched Angel's chest still.

"Ma'am, ma'am, you have to stay calm."

"O god! Angel! Breathe!" she yelled to him, shaking his shoulders and trying to wake him.

Buffy dropped the phone. "ANGEL!"

...

A moment later the ambulance pulled into the alley and two paramedics jumped from the back.

"Ma'am? You called in a stabbing?" he asked as he crouched beside Angel.

"He…he just stopped breathing!" she panicked.

"Ok ma'am. Calm down. Let us help him." The first paramedic gently pulled Angel from her grasp and laid him flat.

"Sir, can you hear me?" he called as he shook Angel's shoulders then checked for a pulse.

The second paramedic quickly pushed a breathing tube down Angel's throat and began to pump oxygen into him.

The paramedics ignored her as they quickly picked Angel up and put him on the stretcher and wheeled him into the ambulance.

Buffy followed in a trance and stood just outside the open doors.

Once inside, the second paramedic began to treat the stab wound.

"Ma'am are you injured?" The first medic asked.

She looked at him a moment, then as if in a fog, shook her head no.

"If you can stay calm you can ride with us." He said as he hooked Angel up to an IV.

"Ok" Buffy nodded, climbed into the truck and moved to the seat he indicated. She sat very still, almost frozen as she watched them work on her love. Tears streaked down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away, she was too shocked to notice them.

The paramedic asked her some questions, Angel's full name, age, blood type, known allergies, description of what happened… She replied what she could, still too dazed to pay close attention to her surroundings, her eyes never left Angel's pale face.

...

A mile from the hospital, the words Buffy feared the most came out of the medic's mouth. "Damn it, just lost the pulse. Get the crash cart ready."

Buffy panicked. "What? His pulse!"

They began to hook up Angel to the defibrillator as the ambulance pulled up to the ER doors. A second later the doors opened and they were wheeling Angel into the hospital; doctors and the medics were shouting medical jargon she couldn't understand. She ran behind them, looking on in horror as one doctor jumped on top of Angel and began to perform manual CPR compressions.

They rounded a corner as a nurse grabbed her arm. "Ma'am! You can't go in there!"

Buffy easily pulled her arm from the nurse's grip and ran forward, but the double doors of the Operating Room slammed shut in her face.

The nurse grabbed her arm again, and two rather large orderlies stepped forward. She was about to fight them when the nurse spoke. "Ma'am if you don't calm down, we'll have to escort you from the building."

She froze, if they tossed her out, she wouldn't be allowed to see Angel…'_if he's even still alive…'_ Buffy raised her hands in submission. "I'm calm, I just…is he…I need to know…" she began to break down.

"Shh honey" the nurse said as she gently led Buffy to a vacant room. "Your friend is in the Operating Room, you need to let the doctors help him. OK."

Buffy nodded. Then her head shot up, "He's not just my friend! He's….he's my husband." She said lied defensively.

"Ok, the doctor's are helping your husband." The nurse saying the words calmed Buffy back down. "Is there anyone you can call? To come get you?"

She looked up again, "I'm not leaving him." Her tone was serious.

"I'm not telling you to leave, but honey, you're covered in blood. You can't stay here like this."

Buffy looked down at Angel's blood covering her shirt. "O god" she whispered and fell into a chair behind her.

"Ma'am? Do you have someone to call?"

Buffy looked at her and nodded.

The nurse grabbed the cordless phone off the hook and handed it to her. "Tell them to come get you. If you insist on staying, have them bring you some clean clothes. There is a shower you can use."

Buffy nodded, "Thanks" she said then the nurse left the room to give her some privacy.

After she composed herself, Buffy dialed the phone with numb fingers.

On the third ring, a sleepy British voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Giles?"

"O thank god, Buffy. We've been trying to reach you. We've determined a Morah demon has been stalking around the…Buffy? Are you there?"

"Yeah…" She chocked out, tears threatening to fall.

"Buffy? Buffy are you alright? Where are you?" Giles asked, concerned when her heard the sorrow in her voice.

"The hospital."

"The hospital? Are you injured?"

"No, I'm fine….it's Angel."

"Angel? Why would he need to…"

His words were cut off by Buffy's sharp chocked-out cry of misery.

"Buffy? What happened to Angel?"

"He…he was stabbed…and he stopped breathing…and they said they lost the pulse…" She said quickly, tears running silently down her cheeks.

"Pulse? I don't understand…"

"Giles! He's Human!" She exclaimed.

"What?"

"Angel, we were fighting the demon, and he…was alive…"

"O my, I…I knew the Morah's blood had regenerative properties…but I never thought…" She could imagine him cleaning his glasses right now.

"I don't even know if he's Ok…they took him into surgery…" She said in a weak, defeated voice.

"Surgery?"

"I stabbed him." The words were almost a whisper.

"The Morah?"

"No, Angel."

"You stabbed Angel?" Giles asked in confusion.

"I didn't mean to! The demon threw me into him, I didn't know he was…I didn't know…" She emphasized, feeling ever the more worst with every syllable. At the end she trailed off.

"I'll be right there Buffy." He told her in reassurance.

"Wait!" She yelped out, just now remembering what the nurse had said to her.

"What is it?"

"The nurse said, to bring me clothes. I can stay here if I have clean clothes."

"Clothes?" he asked, wondering if she had a concussion.

"I'm…I'm covered in blood…Angel's blood…" She moaned.

"O right, yes. I'll summon the gang. I'm sure Willow has something you can wear."

"Ok" she said quietly.

"Buffy?" Giles asked, feeling the strain in his daughter of the heart's voice.

"Yeah?" She asked, feeling numb after everything that's happened in such a short time.

"Angel's strong, he'll fight." He told her sincerely. Giles wasn't exactly loving the idea of those two as a couple again, mostly because of the looming threat of the curse, but he couldn't deny how much more joy was in his Slayer's life when Angel was with her.

"Thank you" she whispered then hung up.

Angel's pale face flashed across her eyes, the horrible sound of the heart monitor's monotone scream, his bloodied chest emphasized by the blood soaked into her own clothes.

She shuttered.

Buffy sat in the chair, pulled her legs up to her chest, and cried. It wasn't a very Slayery thing to do, but her body didn't seemed to understand that.

...

Ten minutes later Giles ran into the ER entrance and a nurse directed him to the room Buffy was sitting in.

"Buffy?" he said as he went to her. She grabbed him and hugged him, and cried into his shirt. "Have you heard anything?" he asked her, she shook her head no.

A few minutes later, Xander, Willow, and Oz filed into the room.

"Buffy" Willow said as she wrapped her arms around her best friend.

"It all happened so fast" Buffy whispered into the red head's shoulder. "We were fighting, then the Morah threw me into Angel…the knife… I stabbed him…I didn't mean to…I thought he was fine…vampire healing…but he wasn't…there was so much blood…" She lost the ability to speak as the sobs overtook her.

"I'll be ok Buffy. He'll be ok." The witch said in a soothing voice as she rubbed Buffy's back. '_He has to be, for Buffy's sake he has to be.'_

A few minutes later, Buffy shook her head, and pulled back enough to look into Willow's green eyes, "What…if he's not? He wasn't breathing…they said…said they lost his pulse…he's dead…I know he is...I killed him…"

Willow hugged her tighter. "No, don't say that. If he died…they wouldn't still be in surgery, Right?"

Buffy nodded weakly into her friend's comforting shoulder, "Yeah, I guess."

...

After what felt like hours to her, but had really only been like 20 minutes, Buffy stopped crying long enough for Willow to bring her to the shower area.

She quickly showered off Angel's blood; the idea of it covering her body horrified her. She then changed into the clothes Willow had brought for her.

She tossed her old clothes into the trash; she never wanted to see those blood stains again. Then returned to the waiting room and sat in uncomfortable silence with her friends as she waited to hear of Angel's condition.

...


	2. Chicken Soup

After a few long hours, a tired looking doctor walked into the waiting room they had been sitting in. "Mrs. Summers?"

Buffy jumped up and hurried over to the woman. "Yes. Is Angel ok? Please tell me he's ok."

The doctor shifted uncomfortably, looking down.

Buffy shook her head, hand coming up to her mouth. "No…" she feared he was dead.

"No, your husband is alive, but…" The doctor hesitated, not necessarily pumped full of people skills.

"But what?" Buffy asked, desperate to know.

"We managed to get his heart started again, and repair the damage to his lung, but he had an allergic reaction to some of the medications, and he…he slipped into a coma."

Buffy looked at the woman a moment. "A coma? But, he'll wake up, right?"

The doctor held her hand, "We can't determine that at this time. If you would like to sit with him, I can have someone bring you to his room."

Buffy nodded, "Yes please."

The doctor started to leave but turned back and asked, "Mrs. Summer? Did your husband ever get any of the typical vaccinations we receive as children?"

Buffy thought a moment, '_Angel was born in Ireland in 17something_, "Ahh…no. He…was born in a small town in Ireland. They…couldn't afford a doctor."

The doctor nodded, "Then as his wife, I'm going to have you sign some release forms to have a complete blood work ordered. The medications he reacted to…it's just very unusual."

Buffy nodded unconsciously.

...

Buffy thanked the gang for coming and told them they could leave, it was late and they didn't need to stay; besides it was well past visiting hours and only one person at a time could stay in the room with Angel. They reluctantly agreed and promised to come back in the morning.

A half hour later a nurse came to escort Buffy to Angel's room.

Giles had stayed with her until the nurse came, he hugged her and whispered into her ear, "Call me if…anything changes"

"I will, thanks" she said back, and then turned to follow the nurse.

...

Buffy walked into the room, and as her eyes landed on Angel she nearly broke down again.

The nurse asked if she was alight, Buffy nodded and thanked her, the nurse left her alone with her 'husband'.

She stood next to the bed, looking at all the wires and monitors and tubes, her eyes focusing on the breathing tube taped on the side of Angel's mouth.

Buffy sat in the chair by Angel's bed. One of his hands held in both of hers, and she talked to him.

She sat there almost entirely for the next three days, just sitting beside him, content with listening to the unfamiliar but comfortingly steady beep of the heart monitor.

...

"Buffy?" a voice called out.

Her gaze instantly fell to Angel, however his eyes were still closed. No responce from him save the steady, beep, beep ,beep of the heart monitor.

"Buffy?" The voice repeated.

She turned around and faced the nurse. "Oh, hi...didn't see you there."

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." The nurse apologized.

"No, it's fine." Buffy said, giving the woman a weak smile.

The nurse made her way to the machines currently supporting Angel and jotted down some of the numbers onto his chart.

"How long?" Buffy suddenly asked.

The nurse put down the sheet and asked, "How long for what?"

Buffy sat silent a moment, not know if she really wanted to know the answer or not, after a few seconds of silence she asked, "How long before I should start thinking he isn't going to wake up?"

The nurse sighed a sad sound and walked up beside her, resting her hand on Buffy's shoulder she spoke softly, "I'm afraid we don't know. I'm most cases, the coma lasts under two days...but a little more or less isn't unheard of. I know of a case where the patient awoke after 4 years in a coma...not that you needed to hear that, but what I'm trying to say is, don't just give up. Give his body time heal, and keep talking to him."

The nurse pulled the clipboard off the heart monitor and showed her a page, "See these uneven lines? These were recorded during hours you weren't here. When you're with him, his pulse is much steadier. Even if he isn't awake...somehow he knows you're here."

Buffy looked at the page for a moment then at Angel's still pale face.

"Thank you." she whispered to the nurse as she took Angel hand back into her own.

Just because he isn't awake, it doesn't mean he isn't aware that you are here. Talk like that isn't going to encourage him to awaken.

...

Angel awoke to a beeping noise, his eyes opened unsteadily and the first thing he became aware of was the terribly uncomfortable feeling of a tube running down his throat.

A nurse that was checking his vitals noticed his eyes open, "Sir? Can you hear me?"

Angel ignored her. There was pain in his chest, the room was unfamiliar, and he couldn't remember what had happened.

In a panic, ignoring the pain it caused, he quickly ripped the tube from his mouth, and started to choke and cough without knowing why.

The nurse freaked when he ripped the tube out and ran screaming for the orderlies and a doctor.

...

Buffy shot awake as the nursed called out to Angel, not even realizing she had fallen asleep in the chair beside the window. Her head turned and she watched in silent terror as her lover ripped the breathing tube out, his support to life, setting off all kinds of alarms.

"Angel!" she yelled and leaped off the chair to run to him.

The heart monitor was beeping erratically and the low oxygen alarm was screaming.

She grabbed him around the shoulders and quickly urged into his ear, "Angel, you need to breathe!"

He turned to look at her, eyes wide, noticing her for the first time since he awoke. Confusion filled his face, _'Breathe?'_

Buffy quickly added, "You're human, please just breathe."

_'Human?'_

He felt lightheaded, and there was a terrible pressure building in his chest, but he obeyed and took a deep shaky breath. He lost most of it in a cough, it was painful to breath.

As if she read his mind Buffy told him "I know it hurts, but you have to breathe"

He nodded and did, after a few breaths the coughs subsided and the breaths came easier.

After a minute the red flashing of the heart monitor subsided and it went back to the steady beeps.

...

She was still supporting him when the nurse ran in with two orderlies and a doctor.

The doctor looked angry, "Sir you need to lie back. Miss you need to leave the room", he held out his hand and the nurse placed a syringe in it.

"Wait, he's breathing, he doesn't need the tube!" Buffy almost yelled to the doctor when she realized he was planning on sedating Angel and shoving the tube back in.

The doctor looked briefly at the monitors then indicated for Angel to lie flat.

He reluctantly obeyed, wincing at the pain it caused in his chest and head.

The doctor seemed calmer now, knowing his patient wasn't about to flat-line. Putting the ends of the stethoscope in his ears, be bent to perform a few tests, checking the sounds of Angel's breathing and heart. Pre-arrival to the operating room, Angel's punctured lung had collapsed and filled with blood.

"Lungs sound clear" he said then pulled the white sheets back, revealing a blood stained bandage.

The doctor quickly pealed the bandage off and checked the stitches; a few of the outer ones ripped when Angel sat up, but the bleeding had already stopped. He would have the nurse fix the stitches later.

He motioned for Buffy to stand back. Then he bent and shinned his pen light in Angel's eyes.

Angel quickly shut them and turned away, the light sending a bolt of pain through his head.

"Sir, do you know your name?" the doctor asked.

When the light was gone, Angel opened his eyes again and nodded.

"Can you say it for me?" he asked his patient.

Angel tried, but his throat was sore from ripping the tube out.

The doctor raised his hand, "If it hurts, don't try to talk."

Angel nodded.

"I know you must be in pain, but you seem to be allergic to most of the medications we give you."The doctor sounded almost angry, as if he blamed Angel for it.

Angel thought about it for a moment, _'Makes sense, I've been dead for 250 years, my body wouldn't have adjusted to modern medicines._'

"Once I get the results on your blood work we can determine what to give you. Until then, I'm sorry, but you'll have to deal with it." The doctor stood, and turned to Buffy, "Why don't you go home, Miss. Visiting hours begin at 8am…"

"No!" Buffy cut him off, "I'm not leaving him alone"

The doctor folded his arms across his chest, "I'm sorry Miss, but we have strict policies to follow. We've been lenient with you because of his serious condition, but now he's conscious you must follow the rules. If you are not a patient, you are not staying. Your husband will have excellent care…"

Buffy crossed her arms too, "Excellent care? You wanted to sedate him and shove a tube down his throat! I can't imagine what you would have…"

"Buffy" Angel's raspy whisper cut off her rant and she shot one final look at the doctor before she sat on the bed by Angel.

The doctor gave them a look then told them they could have a few minutes alone before she had to leave for the night.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked Angel once they were alone.

He looked up at her with a grimace.

"That good huh?" she noted with a frown.

Knowing his throat hurt, she grabbed a cup of water off the table and held it to his lips, hoping the liquid would help his sore throat.

He swallowed a few mouthfuls, and then almost choked when his breathing reflex kicked in.

She put the cup back down and resisted the urge to run her hand thought his hair.

"Thanks." He rasped, although better sounding than before.

He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and then opened then, "I'll be alright. Like riding a bike. Or maybe more like going from riding a tricycle to a unicycle. I'll let you know."

She grinned at his lame attempt at humor. "Wow, _you_ just cracked a joke. That either means you're going to be fine...or that blow to the head was harder than I thought."

"Possibly both." he replied.

...

He said to her after a moment, "You should go."

She frowned, "Angel, I can't leave you. Not now. Not like this."The urge to run her finger though his hair won out.

He held her other hand, "I'm not going anywhere. Go home, get some sleep. Besides, I can't miss you if you don't leave."

She smiled at that. "Are you sure? I could pretend to leave and sneak back in?"

He shook his head, "No, go home. I'll sleep better knowing you're in a real bed, not camped in a hospital chair."

She pouted, "But…" she pulled her hand from his and laid it over his beating heart.

He took her hand in his again, "It'll still be there tomorrow."

She looked into his eyes, "Promise?"

He smiled at her, "I promise."

The frown appeared on her face again, along with a tear in her eye. "I almost made it go away…" she whispered, voice cracking.

He grabbed her shoulders and gently pulled her down against the good side of his chest , wrapped one arm around her back and one gently patted her hair. She let herself be pulled down and she cried into his shoulder, all the fear and frustration from the day venting out in tears and sobs, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…It's all my fault…I'm so sorry…"

"Shh, Buffy. It's alright. I'm alright. It wasn't your fault. The demon threw you at me, you couldn't help that." He soothed her. "It's my fault. I knew about the Morah, what its blood could do. I should have told you."

She stopped crying and looked up at him, "You knew the Morah's blood would make you human?" she asked confused.

'_Oh crap, smart move dumbass_' he thought to himself.

"Did you know the first time you fought one?" she asked thinking about the day she visited him in L.A years ago after he stalked her in Sunnydale on Thanksgiving.

He shifted, "Ahh, no, I didn't know the first time." He sort of told the truth. Technically when he killed the Morah in his office in front of her it was the 'forth time' he faced it.

"Why didn't you say anything that tonight?" she asked.

He thought a moment then answered, "I wasn't sure, I didn't want to get your hopes up."

She huffed, "But you were willing to get yourself killed?"

He sighed, "Buffy…"

She cut him off, "No, no I don't want to fight with you. We both made some dumb mistakes recently."

"Yeah, stupid rash decisions, sums up my life fairly well." he agreed. He noticed she didn't disagree.

After a moment she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, when she began to sit up he grabbed her and pulled her into a passionate kiss on the lips.

"Goodnight" he whispered when they both finally parted for air.

She smiled, "Can't wait for the 'Good morning' version." Reluctantly she left, and walked home in a slight daze.

...

Buffy lay awake all night, she couldn't sleep without Angel lying next to her.

Every time she nodded off she would see Angel stabbed, see the blood pooling beside his body, and see the heart monitor flat-line.

She got out of bed and rummaged through Angel's drawers, she pulled out one of his shirts and put it on.

After a few minutes, she wandered back to the bed, got on his side, and cuddled up to his pillow.

Minutes later she finally fell into a dreamless sleep, breathing in Angel's scent.

...

Angel lay awake all night, he couldn't sleep without Buffy lying next to him.

Every time he nodded off, a nurse would walk in to his room or a monitor would flash, or an alarm down the hall would ring. He was exhausted, but sleep was impossible with all the distractions.

He contemplated leaving the hospital, going home and crawling into bed with Buffy, but figured in his current state, he wouldn't make it past the hospital bed.

'_As amazing as my heartbeat feels, as wonderful as it is to be warm and alive, being human really freaking hurts…_' He thought annoyed.

He took a deep breath, wincing at the stitch of pain that shot from his wound.

'_As a vampire, I would have healed hours ago_.'

He glanced around the room for the millionth time. Same white walls, same tubes and needles sticking from his limbs, same scratchy chaffing blankets and the same nauseating smell every hospital has, a mix of disinfectant, soiled linens and sickness.

He sighed and listened to the steady beep of the heart monitor.

_'This must be the 'once a vampire, now a human' equivalent to counting sheep.'_

He finally fell into a dreamless sleep, matching the beeps to the pulses he felt in his chest.

...

At 8am sharp, Buffy walked in to Angel's room to find him still sleeping.

She couldn't help but smile and stifle a laugh, to keep from waking him, as she heard him snore for the first time.

It wasn't loud, more like heavy breathing really, but the fact it was _him_ doing it made it funny.

She quietly sat in the chair next to the bed and silently watched him sleep.

...

Twenty minutes later a plump middle aged nurse walking into the room, she pulled his file from the edge of the bed a paged through it.

Angel's peaceful slumber was halted as is eyes snapped open when the woman said rather loudly, "Good morning" she paused to read the name on the file, "Mr. Summers. If your vitals remain stable and your injuries remain infection free, you could be out of here in a few days.

'_Huh? Days?_' He thought groggily, '_there is no way in hell in staying here longer than today_.'

He squinted in the morning sunlight, and for a brief second he forgot about his newly human condition and had almost rolled off the bed to duck out of the light.

Buffy caught his arm and gave it a reassuring squeeze when she saw the panic flash in his eyes.

The fear vanished when he looked up into Buffy's hazel green orbs. He relaxed and turned his attention to the intruder.

"Yeah, thanks" he said annoyed to the nurse, unhappy about the rude awakening.

She checked the monitors then left, his glaring eyes following her every move gave her the correct impression she wasn't welcome in the room.

When she left, Buffy quickly shut the door and sat back down next to her now human honey. "Rough night?" She asked when she saw the dark circles under his eyes.

He rolled said eyes and nodded, "I think I just fell asleep…"

She bent down and kissed his forehead. "Better now?" She asked.

He grinned despite his exhaustion, "Not yet." He said.

She bent down again, this time she kissed his cheek. "Now?" she asked again, playing along.

"Getting warmer" was his reply.

When she leaned down again, her lips met his. Their kiss was full of love and passion, she savored the warmth, and she could almost taste the life in him.

After a few moments, too short a time, he broke off.

He took a long needed breath, "Damn, breathing kinda gets in the way doesn't it?" he asked, only half joking.

She smiled at him as she climbed into the bed to lie beside him, being careful of the wires and tubes. "You get used to it." She said as she snuggled up to his good side.

He wrapped his arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like that awhile, just enjoying the closeness.

...

"I'm checking out tonight." He said some time later.

She looked up at him, confused and afraid. "They said a few days." She replied, her fears of him being hurt worse by leaving the relative safety of the hospital too soon came crashing to earth.

He shook his head, "I can't take _days_ here. I just want to go home. I'll heal better there, not to mention I might actually get some sleep."

She nodded against his chest, knowing she couldn't talk him out of it if he really wanted to leave. That didn't stop her from trying though.

...

Secretly, she was more than eager to take him home. Despite his 'lover' status in her mind, they had never actually had real sex since he lost his soul to her all those years ago. They got by with touching, and kissing, and the occasional oral escapade on his part (him not having to breathe was a huge plus as far as she was concerned).

However, she wanted more. She wanted to feel him in ways that were previously denied to them, ways he had never allowed out of fear of releasing his demon back onto the world.

She wanted to see him happy, really, unconditionally, and perfectly happy. Don't get her wrong, she loved what they had…it was great. It just wasn't perfect, and she wanted a little perfect.

...

The day went quickly as they talked or just sat enjoying each other's company, she really enjoyed his being all consciousness having again.

Around 3pm they told the staff they were leaving, by 5pm the paperwork had been drawn up.

The nurses and doctors were miffed about his insistence on checking out after being stabbed and in a coma for three days. However they could not legally hold him without his consent.

That night Buffy and Angel both signed wavers, legally excusing the hospital of any ill effects leaving against doctor's orders could bring. The doctor gave Buffy a few pill bottles, explained what each was and how often to have him take them. She thanked the grumpy doctor and truly hoped to never have to speak with him again.

While Angel was wheeled to the front lobby in a wheelchair, very much against his will, but dictated by hospital policy; Buffy pulled his car around to the front, insisting she drive.

"As long as it gets me out of here" he said as he gingerly sat in the front seat.

...

Angel hadn't noticed it before, but as he read the pill bottle label he turned to her as she drove. "Mr. Angel Summers? I'm your husband?" He asked her more than a little amused.

Her cheeks reddened, "Well I couldn't exactly tell them you were my former-ex creature-of-the-night boyfriend could I?"

He chuckled, his ribs protested, he winced. "Yeah, suppose not. But husband?"

She shrugged, "Anything less and they wouldn't have let me in to see you."

He nodded then leaned his head back against the convertibles headrest.

'_Maybe I'll make it official one day._' he thought idly.

...

Buffy helped him into the house and up the stairs to their bedroom.

He insisted he change into his sweatpants and out of the hospital pajamas he had left with. Once he was dressed she helped him lie on the bed.

He looked completely exhausted as he laid there, his face was drawn and pale, and the dark circles under his eyes were even darker.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea" she said, getting nervous and rereading the pill bottles.

"Just tired" he whispered.

She sat next to him on the bed, before she could even get comfy, he was already sound asleep.

She watched him for a while, checked his bandages and pulled the soft comforter up to cover the bruises on his chest. Satisfied he was as good as possible at the moment, she placed a light kiss on his forehead then exited the bedroom to let him sleep.

She headed down stairs, realizing she hadn't eaten since lunch and it was nearly 7pm, she wandered into the kitchen to make dinner.

After thinking it over, she decided to make homemade chicken soup. Angel had been served the hospital version for lunch and even his newly human taste buds had recognized it as vile. She was determined to make him something worthy of said new taste buds.

...

Two and a half hours had past since Buffy began her dinner experiment, the results…she thought were pretty good.

The chicken soup was a little thick, more like chicken chowder really, but it was still tasty. She had meant to try a little before bringing a bowl to her injured partner, but ended up eating two big bowls to appease her own apatite.

Feeling a little guilty, she quickly ladled some of the concoction into a bowl and ran it upstairs.

Thankfully Angel was still out like a light. She could see his complexion looked better than earlier, but he still had some serious baggage under his eyes.

'_Do I let him sleep…or wake him to eat?_' she wondered as she watched him.

After a brief internal debate she decided she would gently try to rouse him, if he didn't wake, she would let him rest.

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed and moved the steaming bowl of chicken soup back and forth under Angel's nose.

After a moment he stirred, inhaling the smell and stretching his sore back.

That didn't last long, "Ow" he mumbled as he strained his stitches with the movement.

"Easy with the moving, I don't need to be cleaning blood off those sheets…again." She half-joked.

His eyes opened and focused on her, "Ha…Ha…very funny." He mumbled, "By the way, the blood stains weren't my fault. You're the one that socked me in the face." He added accusingly.

She scoffed at him, "Yeah well you should warn a girl before you shove ice cold fingers…"

"Ok, Ok I get the picture." He said cutting her off. "I'm sorry. I said I was sorry then too, and plenty of times in between, can we just let that go now? Besides, my fingers aren't cold anymore…" He said laying them on her hand, "See. Warm."

She smiled as she held his hand, "Oh nice and snuggly." She agreed.

After a moment of distraction she remembered why she woke him to begin with, "And speaking of warm, I made hot and yummy chicken soup." She finished by holding the bowl out to him.

His nose wrinkled as he remembered the taste of the hospital version, "I don't know, I barely kept the last bowl down…"

She shook her head, "That wasn't soup, that was some form of cleaning solution with noodles. Mine's way better, try it." She helped him sit up then scooped some onto a spoon and brought it to his lips.

He looked doubtful a moment, but hunger overpowered reason and he accepted the bite. His eyes widened in surprise, "Mmm, that's actually good."

She smiled, "Of course it is, I made it. Took a while to get the veggies to cook, and it came out a little thick…but I did alright."

He grinned, "Yes beloved, you did wonderful. More please."

He was more than capable of holding a spoon himself, but having Buffy feed him was kind of sexy. If he was going to be stuck in bed a while, he might as well enjoy it a bit.

Buffy was aware she was being manipulated, but had no problem with it. She was enjoying her nursing role, it wasn't often Angel was hurt long enough for her to take care of him, and she was liking it.

'_Maybe I can buy one of those naughty nurse costumes._' She thought with a wicked smirk.

...

When the bowl was empty she placed it on the table, she glanced at the clock, 10:26pm it read.

She yawned, "I'm going to clean up the kitchen, then I'll be coming to bed, will you still be awake?" she asked with a bit of a frisky smile.

He grinned, a slight chuckle, "Why? Need me to tuck you in?" he asked with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes; she could see he was already falling asleep again, not to mention he had a hole in his chest. No, tonight would not be the night to satisfy her Angel craving.

"Maybe I do" she quipped. She leaned down and kissed him, he eagerly returned the kiss. "Oh, I almost forgot." She said when the kiss ended; she opened a few of the pill bottles and made him take the meds with a glass of water.

"Goodnight" she said to him as she turned to finish her 'chores' before bed.

"Or you could wait until you're in bed to say that." He called to her.

She turned and sent him an 'all knowing' expression, "You'll be asleep before I get back." She told him matter-o-factly.

"Will not" he disagreed.

"Will too" she said before she ducked out of the bedroom.

"Will not" he mumbled.

...

Ten minutes later Buffy walked into the bedroom, having cleaned the kitchen as best she could, mostly just putting dirty dishes into the sink for tomorrow and putting the leftover soup in the fridge.

As she suspected, Angel was quietly snoring.

She changed into her PJs and brushed her teeth, a few minutes later she slid under the covers and just listened to Angel breathing.

She fell asleep to the fascinating sound.

* * *

TBC...


	3. The Important Question

~~~~~~~~~ 4 months later ~~~~~~~~~

Angel walked into the living room and saw Buffy sitting on the couch, '_Now, just tell her now before you chicken out again_.' he thought as he sat beside her.

"Buffy?" he asked, noticing her gazing off completely somewhere else at the moment. He frowned, wondering what could be holding the slayer's attention so tightly. He called her name and placed his hand on her shoulder, she jumped.

"Angel!" she said as she nearly hit the ceiling, "Don't do that! It's not good for the…uhh…the circulation…you know…heart…for my heart…" she shut up before she said more than she wanted to. '_Oh god, I almost said baby!_'

He looked at her funny then shrugged, "Ok…" he stretched the word, feeling bad for startling her so much. "So where were you?" he asked concerned.

"Oh, well…just thinking…about things…that I think about…" she said blurted while fidgeting.

He nodded, too preoccupied with his own internal debate to notice her weirdness, "Yeah, about that…I need to talk to you about something I've had on my mind for a while now. Something important."

Her gut did a flip-flop, and had nothing to do with pregnancy. '_Is he going to ask me to marry him?_' she wondered, having been waiting for him to ask since he first became human.

Buffy had thought it would have been some of the first words out of his mouth since he healed, but so far…no go.

"Me too." She said, really wanting to tell him about the baby. She felt bad for keeping it a secret for so long, but in her own defense, she hadn't known for two of the three months either.

"You first." He offered, stalling for time.

She shook her head, "No, you go." ''_I'm pregnant' sound so much better **after** a marriage proposal than before_.' she thought.

He nodded, "So, ahh…this isn't as easy as I had practiced." He admitted.

Buffy's heart raced when she heard that, '_OHMIGOD! He is proposing!_' she was jumping and doing a little happy dance in her head while working hard at keeping still and stoic in reality. "You'll do fine, just speak from your heart." She encouraged.

He smiled at her, "I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and I've come to the decision that this is the best possible choice for me." He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I…I want to go home. Back to Ireland."

Her heart sank as she stared blinking at him. "Did you mean 'we'?" she asked, '_Like a honeymoon?'_ she added silently.

He shifted uncomfortably, "No, I meant me."

He felt her slip her hand out of his grasp.

"Buffy, I wanted to tell you a few months ago, that I needed some time. I just never could. I'm not used to being human, and I think I part of me just wanted to stay with you for…I don't know…safety? That might not be it...I don't know…that's why I want to go home. I was dead for almost three centuries; I have no clue about being alive. I've barely scratched the surface and I want, no _need_, to know who I am.

The man named Liam O'Conner died in an alleyway in Galway in 1753, and now…I feel like that man is back again. But I'm not sure…I know I'm not Angelus anymore…but I don't really feel like Angel either…they were both demons, whether I had a soul or not…I was still a demon. Now I'm not…and Liam is the closest I can connect with. He wasn't a great guy, a drunken, womanizing scoundrel at best…but he was a man.

The only way for me to really figure out who I am now is to go home, be human in a human world."

He tried to take her hand but she pulled back, feeling much like a hit and run victim.

"Buffy, you know as well as I do…I'm useless to you now. I have no supernatural strengths or abilities…I'm a risk, a dependent. I can't be that and find myself at the same time. Believe me, it's not that I don't care for you, or that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me since I became human…but…it's not good for either of us like this. Chances are, you'll get hurt or killed trying to defend me…or maybe I will. It's safer if I go. I figure I should do this now, before we get too involved."

She couldn't speak, anger arose in her. She wanted to hit him, to throw him off a roof maybe just to hear the noise he makes hitting the cement.

"Before we get involved?" She asked, calm voice not showing the rage inside, "So you call living and sleeping with someone for four months isn't getting involved? Or the three months we were together before you became human…that wasn't being involved?"

He heard the pressure in her tight voice, he knew this conversation wasn't going to go well. He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew this wasn't just going to be a quick 'Ok, bye'.

He bit his lower lip, "Buffy, I know this isn't want you expected to hear…"

She cut him off, "Not what I expected to hear!" She exclained, "No, it's really not!"

She stood and paced a few steps, she suddenly paused and faced him.

"You...you're breaking up with me again." She said quietly to herself.

He stood and walked behind her, "Yes and no." he told her.

She spun. "Yes and no? What the hell does that mean!"

He shifted from one foot to the other, "Well, I was going to ask for a year. We can set a date to meet someplace. And I can…I don't know…hopefully have everything figured out by then?" He asked questionably.

"Get out." She said calmly.

He looked at her, reaching for her shoulders.

She slapped his hand away she shoved him, he fell backward and landed hard on his ass.

"GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" she screamed.

He looked shocked a moment, then nodded slowly.

She walked into the kitchen and into the bathroom, slamming the door.

...

Ten minutes later she heard a gentle knock, "Buffy? Are you ok?"

She didn't answer.

"Buffy?" he asked again.

She still didn't answer.

'_Maybe I should talk to him? Tell him about the baby?_'

His voice entered though the shut door, "I'm…I'm just going to go. I'm sorry."

That broke the last straw, she scream back in hurt rage, "GO! YOU WERE LESS OF AN ASSHOLE WHEN YOU WERE SOULLESS!"

He winced from the words as if he had been shot. Lowering his head he grabbed his bags and left.

When the front door clicked shut Buffy cried.

She lost track of time, just sitting huddled in the bathroom corner, crying for her lost love, for the fatherless child she would have to raise alone, crying for the unfairness of life and the stupidity of a certain man.

...

TBC...


	4. Unexpected Company

…One year later…

* * *

Buffy smiled down at her six month old daughter, Joyce Anne Summers was the light of her life, even if her father was on her 'if I ever see him again I'm staking him vampire or not' list.

"Peek-a-boo" she called as she played with the infant, pulling the blanket edge over her face then letting it drop so the little girl could see her mother appear and disappear.

Her third peek, and the doorbell dinged there was someone at the door. She glanced at the clock, 11:26am.

"Who could that be? Let's go see who's at the door Joy" She said picking up the baby and holding her up against her chest.

Buffy unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door, "Yes? Can I help…." Her voice trailed off as she focused and saw the man standing on her doorstep. "…you." She finished quietly.

Angel, or Liam or whoever the hell he called himself now, stood there.

She almost hadn't recognized him; the deep tan, longer hair nearly bleached a dirty blond from the sun, non-black clothing as in white tank-top, khaki shorts and flip-flops.

He looked like he was going to say something, but his eyes had focused on the child Buffy was holding, a baby with very familiar chocolate brown eyes.

With wide eyes and a comically shocked open mouth he looked at Buffy with a fearful expression, "What…you…we…baby?"

Before he could utter a coherent sentence, she turned and slammed the door in his face.

She had no intentions of speaking to him and although she promised herself she was going to stake him on sight, she has no intentions of doing so in front of her daughter.

The bell rang a few more times, followed by knocking. His voice called in but she tuned them all out.

After a half hour of listening to him trying to get her to open the door she called out the second floor window, "You have 30 seconds to get gone before I call the cops."

With that said she slammed the window shut and went back to the playpen Joy was happily giggling in.

The noise blissfully stopped and she focused on her little ray of sunshine.

…

She hadn't heard from Angel, not since the cops dragged him away from her house two weeks ago.

Tonight, she was strolling though the cemetery, never a break for long in occult activity when one was a Slayer.

Three vamps met their final deaths on her stake, now she was tired and her nipples were sore. So far sore nipples seemed to be the only downside to her pregnancy; delivery and breastfeeding; defiantly harder than conception and gestation.

...

Once back home, Buffy thanked Dawn for babysitting and saw her sister to her car.

She was heading back inside with Joyce tucked safely in her arms when something materialized out of the shadows in front of her.

She tensed then sighed in anger, "Angel! I thought I told you to go away. You have no right to be here."

He nodded, keeping his distance but obviously wanting to get closer. "Please Buffy. I just want to talk…"

She walked past him, "Ok, we just talked. Now go."

Something else suddenly came out of the shadows, this time it was something that wanted to hurt her.

The very last thing Buffy wanted to see was Joyce hurt in a fight, seeing no better options she quickly shoved the baby into Angel's arms and yelled at him to get inside and protect her. As a human with no weapons, Angel wouldn't be much help in a fight against demons anyways, she'd figured.

...

Following her orders, he kept his euphoria at finally being able to hold his child in check and disappeared into the house.

...

Buffy turned to the threat, "Are you here for the bedtime story too?" she asked, and then frowned, thinking she needed to work on de-babying her puns.

The creature attacked, not even understanding English her words were lost on it anyways.

They fought; kicks and punches traded in furious blows. After a few seconds Buffy was winning, until another creature plowed onto her from the darkness.

She yelped as the three fell to the ground in a mess of limbs.

Two more wandered from the shadows.

'_Not good._' She thought with a pang of worry.

She had recognized the demons but couldn't remember where she'd seen them before, she killed a lot of monsters, and sometimes she forgot which was which. They were ugly, as most are, with a humanoid body but strong reptilian features. Their bodies were leathery and scaled in some spots; a hardened ridge surrounded their heads and two small claw-like points jutted just below their mouths.

It wasn't until one almost ran her though that she recognized what they were; Polgara demons. The two foot bone skewer that sprouted from a compartment in their forearm was a dead giveaway. She remembered Adam had one of those arms grafted onto him, and they were deadly accurate.

She pulled herself free of the tangle and stood in a defensive position, "Ok, you guys need a bath. I've changed better smelling diapers."

She attacked the standing pair that just appeared before the two rolling on the ground could regain their feet.

...

Angel glanced out the window, and saw the odds against Buffy weren't exactly in the realm of fair. Not that he thought Buffy wasn't capable of handling anything and everything that came her way, but he wasn't going to take any chances that tonight the bad guys would get lucky.

He placed the screaming baby in the playpen, tried his best to sooth her, but his best meant nothing to the little girl since he was a total stranger to her. She wanted her mommy.

Angel gave up and ran out the door, mumbling a protection spell as he went. He figured the best way to quiet the baby would to get her mother back to her as soon as possible…and in one piece.

The former vampire spotted one of the creepy crawlies as it tried to sneak in behind Buffy, he tackled it and both went tumbling off into the darkness.

...

The Slayer ducked a wild punch and kicked her assailant hard in the head, snapping its neck.

Watching him crumble sent a wave of satisfaction though her bones.

_'One less butt ugly demon in the world._' She thought with a smile.

She didn't notice the one sneaking up behind her until Angel collided with it.

She was about to help him when two of the remaining encroached on her.

"Do we really need to do this now?" she asked, worried about Angel, not sure how well he could fight now he was completely mortal and so much easier to kill.

'_Does he know about the bone skewer?_ '

The two demons charged at her with a throaty growl, "I guess we do." She answered herself.

The small blond jumped over the first demon and kicked the second one in the face as its friend fell into the empty space Buffy had just occupied. The one on the ground rolled and was charging within a second, its bloody faced friend more than ready for payback.

They fought, Buffy keeping just ahead of them, but not enough to put them down in a more permanent way.

A shrill scream pierced the night and the mother in Buffy froze as her daughter's voice demanded her full attention.

Joy was scared, never had she been left alone as she was and she vocalized her fear from the playpen.

The second of pause on Buffy's part was enough for the demons to get in the opening they had been looking for. With a yelp Buffy fell, the two demons pinning her at an awkward angle, making it impossible to throw them off.

Hazel green eyes blazed with anger that Angel would leave her six month old daughter alone, even more anger when she realized she couldn't move to sooth said child.

Joyce cried out again from the empty house, fear making her voice higher, and more demanding.

That was jet fuel for Buffy, she twisted and succeeded in bucking off one of the demons, the second was about to fly off when the first struck the back Buffy's head with a meaty fist.

Stars exploded in the Slayers head as she watched the lights dancing in front of her eyes.

'_Look how pretty_.' Her dazed mind whispered.

...

Angel punched the demon in the face, having just finished wrestling it to the ground.

_'I don't miss drinking blood, but I do really miss super strength and healing, those were cool.'_

He looked up from the unconscious demon to spot how Buffy was making out.

His heart clenched as he watched the demon hovering over his 'former?' lover about to deliver a deathblow.

_'Shit!_'

Without thinking about it he pulled the knife from the sheath hidden under his shirt on his back and threw. He just hoped he didn't miss.

...

The blade whisked past the first demon, mere centimeters from its intended target, but successfully sunk into the flesh of the second creature.

A high pitched roar erupted from the monster, but not for long before it fell dead to the ground with a mealy plop.

He may have missed, but the death of the other demon successfully distracted the one ready to kill Buffy.

Buffy took full advantage of the moment and shook off her daze and decided a little payback was necessary.

A minute later the first demon joined his buddy in the underworld.

...

She looked up as Angel walked over to her, having finished off his prey a moment ago.

"What the Hell is wrong with you!" she yelled at him.

He was taken aback by the harsh words and lost the smirk he had been holding, "Uhh, saving your life?" he defended.

She wanted to punch him, hard. "You left my six month old child alone! Are you an idiot? You don't leave babies unattended!" She yelled as she rushed past him and towards the house.

He grabbed her arm, "Sorry if I though a lifetime as an orphan would be worse than a few minutes of being scared." He retorted.

She turned and glared at him, "That's not up to you to decide, she is _my_ daughter, not yours."

"She's half mine." He countered.

She crossed her arms and shook her blond head, "No Angel, she's not. You gave up any rights to her when you left."

He shook his head, "That's not fair; you never even told me you were pregnant. You should have, I had a right to know."

Her eyes narrowed, "And would that have changed your mind? Would you have stayed?" she asked, both mad and curious.

He looked at her uncomfortably.

She knew his answer would have been "No"; she rolled her eyes and pushed past him.

He caught her arm again, "Buffy! Listen, please. I know I hurt you. I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for that. I had to go. I needed to find out who I was."

She glared at him, "So what did you find, huh? If the answer is Asshole, I could have told you that."

He visibly pulled his anger into check, swallowing the hurtful words he could have said he just looked into her eyes. "I know I don't deserve it, but please Buffy. Give me a chance, that's all I want."

Her heart was torn, she wanted to say no, wanted to keep his lies away from herself and her daughter…but her heart still wanted him.

'_Trader_' she thought as her heart yearned for him, even though all the misery he has brought her over the years.

"No" she whispered, forcing the word from her lips. She looked up at him, "I can't. I can't risk anymore on you Angel. I won't risk what I have left."

'_I won't survive you leaving me again._' She left unsaid.

He bowed his head, knowing he had pushed her too far. "I'm not asking you to take me back, just give me a…." Angel's words abruptly stopped when just as abruptly a bone spear tore into him from behind. "…chance." He finished with a wet cough, looking wide-eyed down at the two foot skewer protruding from his chest, his blood trailing down the tip.

Buffy's eyes widened, "Angel?." She whispered.

Angel's face contorted into pain as the spike was pulled out, his hand clutched the gaping wound as he fell to the ground gasping for air.

Buffy pulled her eyes from him and focused on the threat, the creature was the same species as the others, just bigger, much bigger.

Suddenly it attacked and Buffy was forced to go into the defensive.

...

Angel's world spun, he could feel his blood pooling beneath his body, draining out the newly made hole in his back.

Breathing was agony, every breath he had to fight for.

'_Pass-out and you die, pass-out and you die_' he repeated in his head to keep conscious.

With a lot of effort, he reached his bloody right hand out and clutched the pendent he wore under his shirt. With his left hand firmly pressed against the hole in his chest, he began to chant.

Gaelic words drifted from his bloody and paling lips, the power of the spell sucking at his willpower. Slowly a dull green light grew from his clenched fist, the pendent channeling his will and empowering the spell.

The light traveled from his right fist down to his bloodied chest, entering the wound and beginning to heal the worst of the damage.

...

Buffy was slammed into the ground, the huge hell beast stronger than the other demons she had faced.

She was having trouble getting close enough to hit it, its three foot spiked arms keeping her at bay, and only succeeding in tiring herself out.

After a few rounds of jumping over and rolling under, she managed to kick one of the spikes against a tree, snapping it off three quarters.

The demon roared in pain as the bone skewer shattered. Its pain fueled it forward, charging Buffy like a maddened bull.

She ducked past and swung her legs out, knocking the beast's from under it, the ground groaned at the demon slammed into it.

She took a moment to glance towards Angel, terrified he was already dead.

True, she had dreamed of staking him after what he did to her, but she really didn't_ want_ to see him killed. Daydreaming and actually watching the father of your child slain in front of you were to very different animals.

Angel was pale, but still moving slightly, she though she saw a light glowing on his chest, but before she could focus on him she felt herself falling.

The demon knocked her legs from under her; Buffy slammed into the ground and found herself pinned beneath the huge beast.

'_Oh crap'_ she thought as the monster prepared to ram its remaining skewer through her.

...

Angel glanced in Buffy's direction, his eyes blurry with pain and effort.

He saw her fall, he watched as the demon prepared to skewer her.

He didn't have a choice, he would more than likely die as a result, but in an instant he stopped the healing spell and sat up, pain erupted from his partly healed wound.

With every speck of will he could muster he raised his right hand and shouted, "Cur tri thine!"_(To set on fire)_

A ball of fire shot from his numb fingers, the demon's head exploded.

With his energy spent, the world lost focus and Angel collapsed into oblivion.

...

Buffy was losing air; the clawed hand crushing her throat was only one problem, the spike in the other arm coming towards her was the other.

Right before the point struck her there was a bright light and a wave of heat flashed in front of her.

She squeezed her eyes shut from the flames, when she opened them the demon's head was nothing but a smoking bit of char.

She easily pushed the dead creature off and turned to look towards Angel; she saw his arm fall as if he had thrown something then he slumped lifeless to the ground.

"Angel!" she called in fear and ran to him.

'_Not dead, not dead, not dead…_' she pleaded as she dropped down next to him.

She saw the gaping wound in his chest and her stomach dropped.

'_Oh god…can he survive that?_'

...

TBC...


	5. Beyond Repair?

Dropping to her knees, her hands shot to his neck and checked for a sign of life.

Relief flooded her when she felt the weak pulse tapping gently beneath her fingers. It was barely there, but there none the less.

Working quickly in-case more of the demons were roaming in the darkness; she half dragged half carried him into the relative safety of her house.

...

As Buffy pulled Angel's unconscious form onto the couch, Joyce's cries slowed upon seeing her mother.

She put her little arms out, a universal 'pick me up' gesture.

"Shh, baby. Mommy's here." She soothed, and quickly bend and kissed her daughters head, not wanting to touch the child with bloodied hands. "I'll pick you up in a few minutes, mommy needs to help…your da…uhh...Angel first, OK?"

Joy frowned and resumed her pout when she realized she wasn't getting her way; but at least she wasn't alone anymore. Although she was only 6 months old, she did understand her mother was scared, so Joy pouted silently and watched Buffy as she fussed over the stranger on the couch.

...

Buffy quickly grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen cabinet then pulled out a wad of gauze to stem the bleeding. She was afraid to call an ambulance, if she did the cops would come, there would be questions.

If Angel died…what would she tell the cops? Oh yeah, some monster stabbed the guy that was stalking me. Slim chance they would believe that, she could be accused of murder, she could lose custody of her daughter.

"You better not die." She warned the pale unconscious man bleeding on her couch.

She pulled the gauze back to sew the wound shut, and discovered even though there was an entry and exit wound, his lung was undamaged.

'_Huh?_'

Not to question it, she sewed the twin wounds shut and bandaged them tightly, also binding his cracked ribs as she worked.

When she finished she washed the blood and gore from her hands and picked up the cranky baby.

"Hey sweetheart." She said kissing the little girl, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to get you all dirty."

She held her daughter to her as the little girl wrapped her arms around her neck and held tight.

"Its ok honey, everything's going to be ok." She soothed rubbing the baby's back and looking down at her former lover lying prone on her couch. "He better be ok." She whispered.

...

Joyce had crawled away from Buffy as she washed blood from her and Angel's shirts in the kitchen sink. The young woman's mind occupied by wrestling with the confusing and conflicted feeling that Angel tended to arouse in her.

The baby wandered into the living room and pulled herself into a standing position against the couch and looked at the stranger in front of her, feeling strangely drawn to him.

...

Angel felt the world slowly drifting back to him, drowsily he opened his eyes; a pair of long lashed, big brown eyes came into focus, irises that mirrored his own.

A weak smile crept along his lips, "Hey beautiful." He whispered to the little girl staring at him.

A single toothed smile spread across her little face as she looked at him.

A few seconds later the moment was shattered as Buffy scooped the baby up into her arms.

"No honey, don't let that charming smile fool you. You give him your heart and he'll just rip it out."

The pain relieving antiseptic that baby's smile brought vanished and Angel felt full well the wound that had almost killed him.

Buffy's angry glare feeling like a slap. He winced and looked away, fully remembering her harsh words just moments before he was impaled by the demon.

"What are you?" the blond asked as she sat on the coffee table across from him, holding the squirming baby in her lap.

Angel gave her his most bland expression, "Scorpio, The goat in the Chinese version."

She rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean. That demon turned you into an Angel kebob, but you only had external injuries. How did you heal? I thought you were fully human."

"I am human." He replied vaguely.

Buffy sighed, "Then why aren't you dead?"

The anger in him at her heartless tone knocked off some of the pain for a moment; he shook his head, "Are you that disappointed I'm not?"

"I could throw you out on your ass right now." She warned, giving him her best 'go-ahead-and-say-I-won't' stare. She was the only one in the room that knew she wouldn't…couldn't?

"Fine." He surrendered, figuring he might as well take the opportunity to talk to her while he could. "I used a type of magic. Very old, very powerful. Very dangerous."

"Dangerous how?" she asked.

He looked up at her, unsure why she asked that. He sighed, "Did I say the last part out loud?"

She glared at him.

He looked away and brought his hand to his brow, feeling a miserable pounding like a drummer in his head rocking out a solo.

She caught the look of pain flash across his features.

With his eyes shut for the moment, he didn't see the flash of concern in hers.

"Are you ok?" she asked, and then to cover the fear in her tone she added, "That's a fairly new couch; I'd appreciate it if you not die on it."

"No promises." He muttered weakly and brought his hand to rest over his wound.

His eyes remained shut, so she watched him awhile as Joy dozed in her arms.

He was still pale from blood loss, pain evident in his drawn features.

His breathing sounded clear, abet painful from the rib damage.

She placed her fingers lightly on his left wrist as it lay beside him on the couch, he didn't react and she figured he was either deeply asleep or possibly unconscious again.

His pulse was weaker than she hoped; too fast as his heart worked harder and quicker to pump less blood though his system.

His hand was cold, not like it used to be pre-Morah, but he was obviously suffering some ill effects from his wounds.

'_I hope he's not in shock.' _She knew he could die from that alone.

She carried Joy into the kitchen and placed her in the highchair, "Stay here for just a sec, ok love bug?" she kissed her daughter's forehead then grabbed a glass from the cabinet.

Buffy filled the glass with water and brought it into the living room, setting it down on the coffee table where Angel could reach it if he woke.

She then looked over his injuries, at least the front ones; she didn't want to move him to check the entry wound in his back. It seemed like most of the bleeding either stopped entirely or slowed to a miniscule trickle.

Satisfied for the moment he wasn't immediately dying, she pulled the light blue blanket off the back of the couch and spread it over him, hoping to warm him and help keep him from going into shock.

She almost bent and kissed his cheek, but stopped herself at the last second and righted.

A few seconds later she was walking her daughter upstairs to bathe her and get her settle into bed.

...

Joyce was sleeping peacefully, even at six weeks, the babe had been a great sleeper.

_'Doesn't take after me._' Buffy thought tiredly.

After checking the windows were locked and the baby monitor was on and functional, she took the walkie across the hall into her bedroom.

With bloodstained cloths in the trash, and salvageable ones in the hamper, she changed into her nightgown and cleaned up in the bathroom.

Once all the blood and the scratches from the fight were gone, she brushed her teeth and went to bed.

...

Almost an hour after she went to bed, Buffy still lay awake, staring at the stubborn clock on the nightstand. The glowing red numbers refused to function as time should, progressively and in a 'timely' manner.

'_Stupid clock, must be broken…it's read 2:14am for the least ten minutes now.' _

Giving up for the moment, she sat up and slipped into her slippers.

_'I'll just get some OJ from the fridge…maybe some warm milk? I'll either make me tired…or just have to pee._'

She shrugged and stepped into the hall. A quick glance into the nursery reveled nothing out of place, her daughter sleeping just as soundly as before.

With the monitor stuffed into her robe, she headed downstairs to the kitchen.

...

On her way past the couch, she heard Angel's voice, but she didn't understand the words.

"Angel?" she called, about to ask him to repeat what he'd said.

When she walked to the front of the couch she noticed there was sweat against his pale skin, his body restless and shaking slightly as if he were shivering and his breaths came in short hurried gasps.

He tossed and turned more, as if fighting a nightmare, his closed eyes dancing under the lids.

She bend forward and placed her hand along his brow and felt the heat irradiating from him.

He shifted again and mumbled something in another language, possibly Gaelic.

_'Great, he had a fever, granted he was run though by a demon bone spear…that can't be sanitary. Can you say infection?._'

She frowned, not liking the direction his health was plummeting into.

As her hand brushed against his skin, he seemed to calm and still under her touch.

The glass of water she's left on the table was untouched, leading her to believe he hadn't awoke since their little chat over two hours ago.

'_Not good._' She thought, and wondered if she should have called an ambulance after-all.

...

The bathroom light flicked on as Buffy lifted the switch. She shielded her eyes a moment from the sudden assault, and then when they were adjusted, she used them to scan the medicine cabinet.

Finding what she was looking for, a bottle of aspirin, she shook out two and replaced the childproof cap and set it back down where she got it.

She shut the mirrored door and was stuck by the reflection.

'_You look absolutely exhausted'_ she thought as she saw the woman staring back at her. '_And sad…very sad_.'

She shook the ideas from her head and flicked off the light, sending the kitchen back into total darkness.

After a moment, her night vision adjusted to the dim light from the glowing nightlight along the wall and the partial light from the street lamp outside the window.

She grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and a dishtowel from the drawer beside the sink. She filled the bowl with cold water and headed back into the living room.

She sat on the edge of the couch, Angel took up a majority of it, but she still found enough to sit.

She pulled the blanket back and as she did, she unconsciously looked him over; his body nearly unchanged still from the first time she saw him without a shirt. He had stood in her kitchen on Revello drive, a slight grin of his lips, and a decent gash along his well muscled ribs and she had looked up at him and had nearly melted into goop at the sight.

The only physical difference in that amazing body was the now tanned color of his once pale skin and the fact his chest moved with breath.

She tore her thought from their dreamy fantasy world when her eyes registered the new bloodstains in the bandage that was wrapped tightly around his ribcage.

'_He's still bleeding? Ok, double not good…and this time two negatives defiantly don't equal a positive.' _

"Angel?" she called again, this time running her fingers gently across his cheek, hoping the touch would rouse him.

Nothing but his heavy breathing followed.

"Angel, please, I need you to wake up." She tried again, this time putting a little more pressure when she called, her thumb rubbing against the pale flesh of his cheek, just under the dark circles beneath his eyes.

His eyes squeezed tighter shut, and then slowly opened.

His gaze was glassy and unfocused, the black pupils dilated unevenly between the two deep brown orbs.

_'Great and a concussion to boot._' She thought dejected.

His eyes looked towards her, "You've been watching over me?" he asked roughly, throat dry.

Buffy nodded, "Yeah."

Angel took her hand and brought it too his lips and started kissing it as he layed his other hand on Buffy's right arm.

She's shocked a moment by his intimate actions, "Uh…"

Before she could say anything he continued, "I thought… - I thought I'd never see you again" Angel shook his head "I can't leave you. I was wrong. I need you."

She looked down at him, suddenly realizing he wasn't actually talking to her, at least not the her of here and now, but was clearly delusional, hallucinating from fever.

"Shh." She told him, laying a finger gently across his dry lips. "I know, I need you to drink this for me ok?" she leaned him up and brought the glass to his lips with her free hand. She figured he wouldn't be able to swallow the aspirin in this state, so she had dropped them into the water and hoped the dissolved pills were good enough.

'_As long as he doesn't choke on the water…'_

He took a few swallows and she pulled back the glass to pace him, "Slowly" she insisted, and then returned the vessel to his mouth.

The glass was nearly empty when he swallowed wrong and began choking.

Pain was obvious in his face as his ribs protested the violent spasms that resulted from coughing.

She put down the glass to free her other arm and wrapped it around him; she pressed his rigid body against her and rubbed his back as he coughed the water from his lungs.

She spoke soothing words into his ear and whispered apologies, after a minute he calmed, the spasms reseeding and he sagged weakly against her.

Her eyes closed as he seemed to nuzzle his face into the curve of her neck, right where her scar was...his scar. "Buffy" she thought she heard him sigh.

Slowly she lowered him back into the couch; he seemed to have lost consciousness again, or perhaps fallen asleep, she couldn't tell.

She wet the dishcloth in the bowl of water and then ran the towel across his brow, helping to fight the fever with cold water.

She stayed like that awhile, just letting the cloth cool the raging heat.

He didn't awaken, but the shakes and delusions seemed to have disappeared and he was now resting comfortably.

She changed his bandages, finding the bleeding she noticed earlier to be from a snapped stitch as he thrashed in the sleep before she came back downstairs.

His breathing was better, calmer and more even.

His pulse was still weak and rapid, but she had nothing to fix that. She would have to wait for his body to make more blood.

He was still pale, but less than earlier in he night, his body warmer from the blanket and his head cooler from the cloth.

She yawned and glanced out the window, it was still dark but she knew dawn wasn't far away.

_'I don't really want to leave him alone, just in case…but if I stay down here any longer, I'm afraid I'll fall asleep on him._'

After a moment of debate, she figured he would be fine alone for a few hours, he was better than he was and she was too tired to keep nursing him.

This time when Buffy lay down in her bed and closed her eyes, she fell deeply asleep.

...

Buffy yawned and sat up, it was morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and a little voice was yelling thought the walkie to come feed me.

Yup, morning.

Buffy got out of bed, shrugged on her robe and slippers, pulled her hair back in a quick ponytail, then headed across the hall to collect her little monster.

Joy was standing in the crib, holding herself up by the handle bars and screaming as babies do.

Anything for attention.

Buffy scooped her up and kissed her good morning.

"How's my little pumpkin belly today." She said as she held her daughter, tickling her belly. The baby squealed in delight.

After changing a very unattractive diaper, Buffy carried her little bundle of energy down the stairs towards the kitchen, where she usually nursed her over a cup of steaming hot coffee.

On her way to the kitchen she detoured and looked over her couch at Angel, he seemed to be sleeping still, breathing slow and even, and undisturbed by Joy vocalizing her hunger.

_'Must be unconscious, no one could sleep though this racket.'_

_...  
_

After making coffee she figured she would sit in the living room to nurse, it was more comfortable and she could keep an eye on her patient.

Once Joy was comfortable and suckling, she took a few sips of coffee and relaxed.

After a moment she picked up the remote and turned on the news, wondering what natural events had happened in the world overnight.

The weatherman was just saying that it would be another beautiful day when Angel stirred.

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes; it took a moment for them to adjust to the morning light.

He glanced around the room a moment, confused and not knowing where he was.

Recognition returned as he focused on Buffy sitting across from him.

His cheeks bloomed a pale red as he realized what she was doing.

"Sorry" he mumbled and turned away, giving her some privacy to nurse Joyce.

"It's fine." She said, after a moment, '_Nothing he haven't seen before.'_ She thought, remember how his lips had felt on her nipples.

Pushing _that_ very unneeded thought aside, "How are you feeling?" he asked him, trying to get her head back to reality.

"Miserable. You?" he replied with obvious discomfort.

"Like a milk cow." She replied looking down at her daughter.

He actually grinned at that, but Buffy's death glare made him lose it before she smacked it off him.

Silence fell between them a moment, neither knowing what to say to the other.

Angel took a chance and began his story of after he left, "When I got to Ireland I wandered for a few weeks, tried to act like I did when I was Liam. I drank a lot, one morning I found myself in some woman's bed, her angry husband found me and nearly took off my head."

"Not really needing to hear about that…" Buffy said with just a touch of jealousy, but mostly it was hurt in her voice since she had been pregnant with his child at the time.

"Not something I care to remember either. I knew I didn't want to be Liam anymore; he was nothing but a worthless drunk. I thought about you a lot, I wanted to write you, or call…but I wouldn't let myself. One year on my own, no contact with anyone I once knew, that was the promise I made to myself." He paused, noticing her looking away from him.

"I can't really recall how it happened, but I found myself facing a vampire, I…I was helpless against him, I had no strength, no power…He bit me…I remembered feeling my life being drained from me, horrified I would become one of the undead again."

Buffy was watching him intently, trying to remember if she invited him inside or not, but then remembering she felt his heartbeat earlier, he couldn't be dead…or undead.

"What happened? How did you get away?" she asked, her curiosity overpowering anger.

He unconsciously rubbed the spot in his neck where the vamp's teeth had sunken though his flesh, there was a slight scar but his mind still remembered it vividly.

"A Druid." He answered.

"Druid?" she echoed. "I didn't think they were real."

Angel grinned, "That's what they want people to think. There is a reason there is almost nothing mentioned about them in history, they like to hide."

"So this Druid did some mojo and killed the vamp?" she questioned.

Angel shrugged, "I'm not really sure what happened, I was kind of unconscious at the time. They told me I was dying, that they used their magic to heal me. When I came to I was offered sanctuary. They said I was special, that I had the potential to become a Druid. So I stayed, learned how to harness the power of nature."

"Wow." Buffy said, "If you've only been at this a few months I can't imagine what the ones practicing for decades can do."

Angel chuckled, and then stopped abruptly as his ribs protested in near blinding pain; he swallowed a groan then continued as the pain subsided.

"That's the funny part." He mentioned, "Turns out, I'm the strongest Druid they've ever seen."

At Buffy's confused look he explained, "I was told a Druid gains their power as they age, unlike conventional magic, a young Druid can't harness the same power as an elder. They did some sort of magic math and…well turns out I'm actually 375 years old, currently the oldest Druid ever."

Buffy looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, "And you told me you were 251. It's usually the girl that lies about her age."

He shook his head, "I only counted the years I was a vampire, the Druids counted my actual time in existence, which included my birth, life, unlife and a century in Hell."

Buffy nodded, not really wanting to remember that particularly heart-retching episode in the famous Buffy and Angel show.

Joyce, who had finished nursing, suddenly started garbling in baby speech, wanting to copy the two adults as they spoke.

Buffy smiled down at her daughter, "You want to talk too honey?" she asked bouncing the baby on her knee.

The child laughed and stuck her thumb in her mouth and began to suck, not bothered by the drool it was causing. "Oh boy." Buffy grimaced at the drool, picking up the little blond bundle and walking her into the kitchen to get a spit rag.

When she came back Angel's eyes had closed, she figured he still needed to rest and recoup from the extreme magic use and his near fatal injuries.

She went upstairs to get herself and the baby dressed for the day.

...

She had taken a quick shower, done her hair and makeup and got Joy dressed in a cute little red polka-dot dress, complete with matching polka-dot bow in her dirty blond curls.

_'She totally has her namesakes hair.'_ She thought with a sad smile knowing that her mother would never meet her granddaughter.

Shaking off her sadness, she kissed her perfect baby and headed back downstairs.

As she descended the stairs she noticed Angel wasn't on the couch.

'_Where the hell did he go now? I'm going to nail his feet to the floor.'_

"Angel?" she called, wondering if he took off again, '_Wouldn't put it past him.'_

A second later she walked into the kitchen, and saw him standing at the table. She could hear the toilet refilling in the background.

"Sorry, nature called. Actually it was screaming." He tried to joke.

He obviously wasn't ready to be walking around; he was pale and hunched slightly, as to not pull at the stitched in his chest and back. One hand was clamped tightly over the wound in his ribs, signaling it was causing him pain, the other hand was clutching at the table for support.

She quickly put Joy into the highchair and pulled a kitchen chair out for him, "Sit before you fall please." She urged and against his will helped him into the chair.

Once seated he seemed a little better, at least he wouldn't collapse.

"Little cold in here," He mumbled, a slight shiver running up his arms.

"That's because you're shirtless." she said obviously.

He rolled his eyes, "Noticed."

"Well your last shirt got kinda holey, and a little redder than is acceptable in society." After a moment she added, "I'll try and find you one."

"Thanks." he muttered, looking ill.

She went to grab Joy to bring her upstairs with her but he interrupted, "I can watch her." He offered.

She eyed him a moment, wondering how good an idea _that_ was.

"I'm not going to pass out, and I helped my mother raise my baby sister, she'll be fine for a few minutes. I promise. Besides, not like I can run off with her or anything right now."

She waited a moment longer, than without really knowing why, agreed. "I'll be back in a minute, anything happened to her, I'm staking you." She threatened.

"I believe you." He nodded.

...

When she left he turned to his daughter, "Hi." he said, waving.

Joy just blinked a few times, then smiled. Mimicking his wave with a giggle.

The little wave brought a smile to his lips, "You're going to look just like your mom, except with your grandmothers hair and my eyes. Men will be falling over you...and your mom will be beating them off with a stake."

...

True to her word, Buffy was back in almost exactly one minute. "Here" she said, handing him a long sleeve button down black shirt that was obviously his.

"You kept my clothes?" he asked, wondering if there was a deeper meaning.

"Was going to use it as a rag." She said casually. There was no way in hell she was telling him she sometimes used it as a pillowcase.

"Hungry?" she asked to change the subject, not knowing the last time he ate, and figuring with all the healing he needed to keep his strength up.

Before he could rely his stomach made an unsavory noise, vocalizing it indeed was empty and needed filling.

Joy turned at the sound, then giggled thinking it was funny.

His cheeks reddened, "Yeah, I guess I could use something to quiet that up."

She found herself grinning too, but had her back to him to hide it. She didn't want to give him any reason to think she still didn't want to beat him over the head with a frying pan for what he did to her.

She grabbed a can of Campbell's chicken and stars soup from the cabinet and proceeded to prepare it. It wasn't lost on her she was once again making chicken soup for him while he was injured.

_'From hearty homemade to watery Campbell's...talk about a downgrade.'_

A she stirred the soup over the stove, she couldn't help but think back to that night she brought him home from the hospital.

How she fed him in bed and fell asleep to his breaths.

How she woke the next morning and they talked.

How each day he got a little stronger, while their touch lasted a little longer.

...

_It had been two weeks since I brought him home, he was healing nicely and was nearly at full strength. _

_The flesh and muscles had come back together, but his rib bones would take a few more weeks to set completely. _

_I had just finished wrapping his ribs after changing the bandage, but even thought my task was done, my hand refused to leave his warm skin. _

_My fingers traced along his well defined abs, slowly lowering to his pant seam, when they hit the barrier I looked up, embarrassed at what I had been unconsciously doing. _

_"Oh, umm…sorry…I…" _

_I didn't get any farther in my sentence, his lips had descended over mine, consuming both my words and whatever else I have been thinking at the time._

_I don't exactly remember how we got into the bedroom, I not sure he does either. _

_The next time my senses were fully mine again, we were both lying together in bed, the sheets were strewn about us, barely covering out naked bodies, and I felt I was in Heaven again. _

_He was half atop me, his head resting against my breast, sound asleep. _

_The poor guy, I wore him out. _

_He didn't seem to mind though; a smile adorned his sleeping features._

_I had just laid there, so completely content. I had waited years to scratch that Angel itch, and I had just gotten what I wanted…and it was perfect._

.._._

_The next two months were even better. _

_God, I can't even begin to think about how much sex we had following the breaking of the dam. _

_For two months, everything had been perfect, and then I found out I was pregnant. _

_It had to have happened some time around the forth week since the hospital, two weeks after our first mattress mambo._

_I was beside myself, I hadn't even thought about pregnancy. _

_Having Angel be a vampire in my mind for so long the thought of him being able to impregnate me was unfathomable. _

_Not to mention the whole 'I'm the Slayer' thing. I hadn't heard of any Slayer ever having children. _

_Robin Wood's mother Nikki, the Slayer in the 70's had obviously given birth, but that was shortly _before_ she was chosen. _

_I had snuck in some serious research for two weeks straight, making up excuses so Angel wouldn't have noticed my distraction. _

_It turned out he was distracted too, with his stupid 'I need to leave' ideas, so neither of us noticed the behavior change in the other._

...

_I had to teach Angel everything about being alive again, when to eat, what to eat, using the restroom when appropriate. Sometime it had felt like having a toddler._

_I had invested so much time and energy into him, and then just when I thought he was going to repay that debt, ask me to be his wife, he told me he wanted to leave me._

_Yeah, I flipped. I could believe the nerve of him, that he could sleep with me for months, rely on me for everything, and then just say, 'I'm going now…bye.'_

_If I hadn't been pregnant…I just might have killed him._

_'Now if I don't take this soup off the stove it's going to burn.'_

_..._

Buffy pulled her thoughts back to reality and noticed Joy was strangely quiet; she turned and saw her daughter's big brown eyes watching in fascination as Angel spun a little ball of light from his palm.

'_Ok,_ t_hat's new_.'

"That better not be radioactive" she said with a sarcastic tone.

His concentration seemed to have failed at her interruption and the light flickered and disappeared.

He sighed and shook his head. "It's perfectly safe." He assured, "I just pulled some of the light in the room into a ball." He gingerly sat back against the chair, and at her look of confusion he clarified, "it's kinda like building a sandcastle, you just move the sand into a shape, but you don't change what it is."

She nodded, "Ah huh. So is that what you do now, make mini disco balls for kids parties or something?"

He sighed again, "It was just a test, I need to wait until my willpower recharges so I can finish healing myself. Healing naturally take too long…and I can tell you want me gone a.s.a.p."

He looked over at her to gauge her reaction, she turned around, hiding a flash of hurt by reaching for a bowl to pour the soup in.

A moment later she placed the bowl in front of him with a spoon and a napkin. She poured a glass of water and a glass of OJ and put them within his reach, figuring he needed as much fluid as possible to make up for the blood-loss.

"Joy needs a diaper change." She said offhandedly and she grabbed Joy and exited the kitchen.

He was suddenly left alone in the kitchen, finding he really didn't have much of an appetite anymore.


	6. Making a Choice

Despite the lack of hunger, he ate the soup and drank down both drinks. He knew he needed the fluids to replace his excessive blood loss and to rebuild his strength, and so he forced himself to eat.

After his meal, he painfully got to his feet and shuffled stiffly back to the living room to crash on the couch again…except Buffy was taking the cushions off said couch.

She looked up and read the look of loss on his face. "Need to wash these, they're a bit sweaty and a few shades redder than it should be…" She explained to let him know he wasn't being evicted, just temporarily displaced.

He looked down, embarrassed about bleeding on her furniture, "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Not your fault, mine, I should have put a trap down first or something..." She said to cover for her initial outburst of raw panic when she first dragged him inside half-dead.

He looked even more uncomfortable.

"Sit in the recliner for now, the wash and dry will only take an hour or so." She offered, seeing he was tiring from walking and standing.

He would have refused, but she gave him a 'Sit now!' with her eyes.

He sat. It took him a minute to get in place, the stitches in his chest and back pulling painfully when he bent forwards or back. His cracked ribs protesting didn't help either.

After he settled, he asked, "What's her full name?" Indicating Joy who was playing with a stuffed pig very similar to Buffy's childhood Mr. Gordo.

Buffy looked confused a moment, "You don't know?"

"Well the three weeks I've been back you've either been avoiding me or I was unconscious…" He retorted.

She was about to shoot back a remark about how he would have known her name, and even been allowed to help chose it, if he hadn't left in the first place, but before she said anything she noticed his eyelids were already getting heavy. Figuring starting an argument was moot if he fell asleep during it she simply said, "Joyce Anne Summers".

He nodded, seeing the late Joyce clearly in the littlest Summers girl. "It suits her." He said drowsily.

"Yeah, it does." She agreed. She watched Joy for a moment, content with her toy in her playpen. '_Defiantly didn't get my patients_…_or lack there of_. _When I was her age, I needed like 10 toys just to keep me interested for ten minutes. Or so mom told me…'_

She looked over at Angel, but he had succumbed to sleep once again.

_'Doesn't look very comfy.'_ She noticed since his chin was resting against his right shoulder and he was slightly slumped from falling asleep in a sitting position.

'_Can't be good for the stitches or ribs either…'_

She walked over and slowly reclined the seat so he would be in a better flatter position. Afterward she tossed a fresh blanket over him and left him to sleep and recover.

...

A few hours had passed and Angel slowly awoke again. He was stiff and sore as ever, but overall felt stronger than he did earlier in the day.

Glancing out the window at the sky, he realized it was close to noon by now.

He pushed his legs down to reposition the recliner into its upright position then noticed the piece of paper on the blanket covering him.

On it was written in Buffy's hand, 'Went shopping, be back soon_.'_

He thought about that for a moment,_ 'Is she giving me the opportunity to run off? Or testing to see if I stay?'_

His thought didn't progress any further when he heard the key enter the lock and the door click open. Buffy entered with two shopping bags on her shoulder, three on her arm and Joy held in her other, balanced on her hip.

As she kicked the door shut and passed Angel to shuffle the load into the kitchen, Angel held out his hands for Joy, "Until you get the groceries put away." He offered to take her.

She looked indecisive a moment then surrendered her daughter to him to free her arm up. "Watch her feet, she likes to kick."

"Huh?" He asked as Buffy headed towards the kitchen to put the food in the refrigerator.

Joy was on his knee, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her in position so he turned and looked towards Buffy, "Kick what?" He called out.

Before Buffy could answer, Joy did. The baby swung her legs a few times and caught Angel in a very sensitive part of his anatomy. He gasped and pitched forward a bit, despite the sudden pain in his groin, he made sure not to crush or drop Joy.

"Tried to warn you." Buffy said after putting the bags on the counter and coming back in time to see her daughter do what Buffy had dreamed of doing for the last year.

Angel handed Joy to Buffy, "She's defiantly her mother's daughter." He said sarcastically, his voice a little higher than normal.

Buffy hid a grin and took Joy with her into the kitchen so Angel could clutch his groin in private.

...

When Buffy finished with the groceries she walked back into the living room to check on Angel.

She had been glad to see her daughter take the vengeance she had wanted, but on the other hand, she also hoped there was no permanent damage.

Buffy had no intentions to ever let Angel back into her bedroom, but she still didn't want the goods damaged...just in case.

Upon entering the room, she took a sharp breath, paused in place and watching in fascination at the light show. In her arms, Joy did the same.

Angel had removed his shirt, left hand covered over the puncture wound in his chest, the other hand was tightly clutching the funny spiral symbol necklace he wore.

Around him, spirals of white and green and blue light swirled in harmony to the Gaelic words he spoke quietly to himself. The colors drifted from his right fist and flowed down his arm, pooling over the wounds in his chest and back.

He had removed the bandages, revealing the ugly jagged hole that had been torn into him from behind, but the skin was now mending before her eyes. Within a few minutes, his wounds were nothing more than a thin scar.

…

The words ended when Angel slumped backwards into the recliner. His eyes losing focus.

Buffy rushed forwards, afraid something had gone wrong. "Angel?" She asked concerned.

His glazed eyes shifted towards her. He felt her warm fingers trail along his cheek, using touch to try and rouse him.

He blinked a few times to clear his vision, when he opened his eyes again; Buffy's worried face was only inches from his.

"Angel? Can you hear me?" She asked, a touch of fear in her voice.

From her tone, it sounded like she had been trying to wake him for a few minutes.

Slowly he nodded, "Yeah. Still here." He mumbled. "Took…more than…I thought." He admitted, his strength and willpower drained again from only just refilling enough to perform such a demanding spell.

"Don't worry", he said weakly, "I'll be…out of…your hair…tomorrow." With that said, his eyes closed again and Buffy could do nothing to rouse him.

After a few minutes of trying, she gave up. His breathing was deep and even, heartbeat strong and rhythmic, wounds were closed, and ribs seemed solid enough.

She picked up Joy from Angel's lap, where she had crawled while Buffy tried to wake him, and spread the blanket back over him.

She sat on the newly cleaned couch and ran her fingers though her daughter's curly blond locks while she watched him; her traitorous heart still yearning for the unconscious man on her recliner. She looked down into Joy's face; the chocolate pools of her eyes mirrored those of the man that fathered her.

She thought of Angel's last words to her, 'I'll be out of your hair tomorrow.'

_'I don't want to her to grow up fatherless, I want her to know her father, but can I trust __Angel__ to stay in her life? Does he plan to leave again permanently? Never be apart of __Joy__'s life? Or will he stick around just long enough to make __Joy__ love him, just so he can hurt her by leaving. Like he did to me…' _

Buffy knew in the deepest parts of her heart, she would always love Angel; an unbreakable bond of a child now existed between them. She also knew she couldn't trust that love anymore, that fiery passion had burned her too often.

She shook her head, "I can't take that risk again." She spoke to the tot in her lap. "I can't let him hurt you too."

Joy smiled, she didn't understand what Buffy was saying, but she liked to hear her mother's voice. She spoke back, a mix of various sounds and baby talk and was rewarded to her mom smiling back at her.

"Let's get you fed and ready for your nap, ok love bug." Finalizing her decision, she didn't cast another glance towards Angel as she focused her full attention to the one and only love she had left in her life.

…

It was dark when Angel awoke again. His head had finally stopped spinning from the magic drain earlier, his body was still stiff and sore, but fully healed. Slowly he got up off the chair and looked at the clock. It was nearly 2am.

His stomach growled commandingly, the body's way of reminding him he'd only had soup in recent time, and that had been half a day ago.

Angel shrugged on the shirt he's discarded earlier and made his way in the dark to the kitchen.

His eyes were assaulted by the bright flash of light the refrigerator threw at him when he opened the door. After a moment of adjustment, he grabbed a package of cheese, cold meats and a few condiments.

Taking a few slices of bread out of the bag on the counter, he proceeded to make himself a few sandwiches to shut the monster in his gut up.

He was just taking a bite of the second sandwich when a voice startled him from behind.

"Ruin my furniture, now you're raiding my fridge? Where did you learn manners? The dog pound?" Buffy asked, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"Sorry." Angel apologized, knowing he had no rights to her house or food.

"Apology noted." She said, slipping into a chair across from him. "So" she asked to get to the subject she wanted to discuss, "How long will I be putting up with having a squatter in my house?"

"Is that a suggestion that I leave right now?" He questioned.

"Do you want to?" She replied.

"Seems like you want me to." He countered.

"Maybe I do." She retorted.

He put down the sandwich. "How can I make this work?"

"Well first you get up, then you walk out the door…then you're gone off to wherever you disappear to. The end."

"I meant with Joy." He clarified.

"You played the only role you will have in her life the night she was conceived."

His face fell, "You can't do that. I have a right to see her."

"Actually I can, and you really don't."

"Listen Buffy, I'm sorry. I know I can never make up what I did to you, and I understand if you never want to see me again, but please, I beg you." He looked into her eyes, "don't cut me out of our daughter's life. I know I don't have the best record as a father, but I want to try and make amends for that."

She cut him off, "Amends? You want to make amends? Ohmigod, I think I just finally figured you out! You're always looking for something to apologies about, something to make amends for, to feel guilt over, or to find redemption for…I think you need that. Some part of you does these horrible things because unconsciously you **want** to feel sorry and miserable! It's like a sickness you have, some twisted desire to always feel less than what you are. Even after you find redemption, you end up relapsing, doing something terrible so you can start all over again. You really don't know any other way to exist, do you?"

He looked at her, stunned. "That's not…I don't…" he paused a moment in quiet reflection. _'Do I really do that?'_ He wanted to say no, that of course he doesn't…but he found he couldn't. "I…I…I'm just going to go." He decided. He stood and turned away from her.

Buffy stood in front of him, "So on to part two if my new theory of the psychology of Angel; when faced with a hard decision, run away instead of working it out."

He got angry at that, he'd been called a lot of things in his time, but never a coward…well actually he had, by Buffy and a few others…but it was never from backing down from a fight. "I have never run from a fight Buffy, do you not remember I faced Wolfram & Hart's army, even thought I knew it was I fight I would lose."

She folded her arms in front of her chest and smirked, "Exactly."

He looked back confused, "What do you mean by that?"

"You chose to die, Angel. You had no intentions of winning that fight; you picked the easy way out instead of taking the hard way, instead of living in this world. Just like the Christmas morning you sat on Kingman's bluff waiting for the sun to rise, you chose death…if another force hadn't intervened to save your sorry ass... " she trailed a sec, _'then I wouldn't have Joy'_ She shook out the thought and then continued her lecture, "Running away, dying…it's the same choice Angel…both free you from having to deal with your actions."

"That's not true, I didn't…this isn't the same thing Buffy. I…" he trailed and sat heavily in the chair, elbows on the table, face buried in his hands. After a moment he began to talk, "I'm 375 years old. I'm tired…so tired." He looked up at her, "I've been to hell, been locked in a mental coffin and sunk to the bottom of the ocean, I've been evil, I've killed thousands of people, I've murdered my family, I've been guilt ridden, suicidal, heartless, soulless, I've had my son stolen from me, had my son want to kill me, I've lost almost everyone I've ever cared about, I've had every type of man and demon try to kill me, I've had a higher being try to kill me, I've endured trials that led to nothing, and I've even given my very life to save others to no avail. I'm sure I've forgotten a few.

I've never been to Heaven; I've never known true peace.

I've been washed and wrung out so many times, I'm not sure I have anything left holding me together. This is what's left of me Buffy, I know it's not fair to say it like this, but I have nothing else to offer you. I'm damaged goods, I won't deny that. Yeah I bet I do have major psychological problems, who won't after living the sick joke that I call my life? If you don't want me, I won't hold that against you; but so help me Buffy, you will not stand there and tell me I enjoy being miserable."

She took a step back from him, the absolute honesty and truth in his words startled her, the pain in them was worse.

She set her jaw and fired right back, "And you think I haven't had a hard life? Yeah I've never been to hell, but I have been to Heaven. I've had perfect peace and happiness; I know what I lost when I was pulled out.

I've been fighting since I was 15 years old, true, not as long as you, but at least as hard, if not harder. I've watched my mother die, my father disown me, I've had my memory rewritten more than once, I've given my heart away just to have it ripped out, I've stolen my lovers soul, I've murdered my lover to save the world, I've watched my best friend try to destroy the world, I've given my body to a demon, I've been body swapped, I've been hunted, I've been possessed, I've been powerless, I've been mentally unstable, I've been walk out on while pregnant, forced to raise a daughter alone, and I've sacrificed my very life for this world _twice_, and guess what…I'm still here too."

She paused and sat heavily on the chair beside him, "Maybe I have physiological issues too, but there is one thing I've never done…and that's give up. I've wanted to, maybe I did temporarily, but in the long run, I've always gone on."

He looked across at her, "So I guess we're both damaged goods."

She let a smile crack her lips, "Maybe that why we've always been drawn to one another, our broken pieces together make us whole."

He thought about that a moment, "I guess that's why we didn't work before."

She looked at him for clarification, he continued, "We both still had too many whole pieces, fate needed to smash a few more before we could fit."

They sat in silence a while. When the silence got to be too overpowering she reached out and grasped his hand. '_Well there goes my 'kick Angel out' resolve.' _

He looked over at her, his eyes heavy with emotions.

She pulled him up and led him into the living room and onto the couch, sitting beside him; she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder.

His arms drew her closer and held her tight.

"I'm tired too." She said into his neck. "I'm tired of fighting demons and vampires and Hellmouths and most of all I'm tired of fighting with you." She pulled back a little to look up at him, "I know I can't stop fighting what I am, but can't I at least stop fighting with you?"

He shook his head, "I don't want to fight anymore either."

"So can we just end it like that, just say we're done and have it be over?" She asked hopeful.

He shook his head, "No"

Her face fell, "Why not?"

He looked down at her, "That's just not how it works."

"How does it work then?" she demanded.

"Usually something like this." He finished by pulling her into the most passionate kiss she'd had in…ever?

After their bodies forced them to break the kiss before they passed out from oxygen deprivation she smiled drunkenly at him, "I like your way much better."

"Me too." He admitted, and pulled her in for another.

...

Buffy slowly awoke, feeling better than she had in the past year before he left. She was still on the couch with Angel, but now they both wore much less than they had been before. She wore nothing but his shirt, he wore nothing but her.

She sat up and looked down at Angel beneath her, his eyes slowly drifted open and met hers. "I could get used to not fighting." She told him with a grin, he returned the grin, "I think I already am." He joked as he pulled her closer.

Suddenly the drunkenly fuzzy feeling of passionate sex wore off and she realized what she'd just done. '_Damn it! He did it again, bastard!'_

She pulled back. "What does this mean?" she questioned. His answer determining whether she tossed him out a window or just kept to her original plan of staking.

"What?" He asked.

"This, the fact we just had sex on my couch even though I swore to myself I was over you. That I wasn't going to let you get to me again, that my daughter would be protected from feeling your abandonment too."

"I won't." He promised her.

"Won't what?" She asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"I won't leave again. Truthfully, I know now I never should have left."

Intrigued she listened, nodding for him to continue, so he told her what was in his heart.

"I left because I wanted to find myself. I wanted to know who I was and how to be a man. Learning to be a Druid was amazing, but it's not what makes me who I am…it's not who I want to be."

"Who do you want to be?" She asked.

He smiled at her, running a finger down her cheek he replied, "Yours."

Her resolve crumbled more and she snuggled closer.

"I was too dense to see it then, but this Buffy, this is who I want to be. I want to be the one to sleep beside you every night and wake beside you every morning. I want to be the kind of father I never had, the father Joyce deserves." As he spoke he caressed a tangle of long blond hair behind her ear. "Not to steal your words from long ago, but I want to spend my life with you."

A tear slipped down her cheek, she wanted so very much to believe him. "I swear Angel, if you're lying to me…" She knew she would break forever if he wasn't sincere. Not to mention he would break forever too, she'd make sure the pieces were never found.

"I'm not. I promise you Buffy, on my life, on my very soul, if you give me a change, I'm yours. I will never leave you again, never. This is where I want to be. It took me a year, traveling half way across the world, and nearly destroying myself in the process…but I finally see I already had everything I ever wanted; I was just too stupid to see it. Those blinders are gone Buffy, this is me. Human, very fallible and not too bright, but I know I love you more than I'll ever be able to tell you. But I want to spend the rest of my life trying…If you'll let me."

She was silent, tears still shinning in her eyes, her heart constricting painfully. Finally she managed to say, "One chance."

She sat up and looked down at him threateningly, "One." She repeated.

"That's all I'll need." He reassured her and began to kiss a trail down her neck.

Before he got very far she stopped him. "No more." She urged.

He pulled back and looked confused. "I thought you said I got one chance?"

"A chance, not a free pass to BuffyWorld." She sat up and moved a few inches away from him, to keep down the temptation of letting him continue. "I want you to leave."

The look of loss on his face almost made her retract the last statement, but then she remembered the night she spent crying in her bathroom when he left her. Her resolved came back full force. "I'm not going to support you anymore, you need to get your own place, a job. Show me you can be independent. Don't think just because we had sex means you're back in favor with me, you'll need to earn back my trust…and it's not going to happen over night."

He nodded, "Yeah…I…understand." He said slowly, obviously not thrilled about it. After a moment he realized she was serious about him leaving right now. "You do realize it's the middle of the night." He tried.

"And how many centuries has it been since this was an issue for you?" She countered.

He rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll go." He got up and began to gather his hastily shed clothing.

Buffy watched him, enjoying the last look of that tan muscled body for a while.

"I'll be needing that back." His voice pulled her back from her thoughts.

"Huh?" she asked confused, then realized she was wearing his only shirt. "Oh, right."

Gentlemanly he turned around so she could undress herself from his garment and cover herself in the blanket from the couch.

Once he was fully clothed she walked him towards the door.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked hopeful as he crossed the threshold into the darkness.

She shook her head, "I don't want to see you here for at least a week." She told him from just inside the doorway.

"A week?" he questioned, wondering what the heck he was going to do until then.

"Use the time to find a place, get some organization in your life." she suggested.

After a moment he added, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." She resolved.

After an awkward moment, "This feels weird. I mean…I feel like you're making me walk out on you…you know the thing I promised to never do again." He admitted.

"As long as you're back here one week from now…you won't be." She reassured.

He nodded, "You can count on it."

He leaned down to kiss her lips, but she turned her head away. He placed a light chase kiss on her cheek instead. "Good night."

She sent him a small smile, "Night."

He turned and took a few steps into the cool night, "Are you sure I can't see you tomorrow?" He almost begged.

She shook her head, "No." After a second, "But I wouldn't hang up if you called." She suggested.

A grin spread across his face, "It's a date then."

With that said, he melted off into the night.

She closed the door, and let herself crumple against it. '_God I hope I made the right choice._'

...

TBC...


	7. Taking a Chance

Buffy was sitting by the phone nearly all day, waiting for the right person to be on the other line.

When the phone rang at 9:30am, she knew it had to be him. "Hi!" she said into the receiver.

"Hey sis, am I baby sitting tonight? Or is it tomorrow?" Dawn's voice asked.

Buffy's heart sank a bit, "Hey Dawny. You're free for the night, I'll drop Joy off tomorrow. "

...

The second call came from Giles, he wanted to check in since Buffy hadn't briefed her watcher on her patrol the previous night.

She left out the details concerning Angel and his near-death experience on her sofa.

When it came to the former vampire, Giles and Xander were not the most understanding...  
...

Around 3pm her phone rang and she nearly dove for it. "Hello?" she asking with a big smile.

"Wow Buff, you sound happy. Something tells me you weren't expecting _my_ voice to be on the line." Xander replied

"Oh, Hi Xander. I'm always happy to hear from you." She covered. "Unless you have bad news...then go away, I'm full." She joked.

"Nah, just a guy calling his friend to say hi. So Hi." He replied.

The conversation went on for a few minutes, Buffy telling him about Joy pulling herself up into a standing position and Xander telling her about some funny events that happened on the construction site he worked at during the week.

Then her phone signaled there was another call.

"Xander, I've got to go, Bye" Buffy said quickly and switched lines.

"Angel?" she asked, knowing it had to be him this time.

There was silence a moment, then "If this is a bad time, I can call back later." Willow's voice asked.

Buffy sighed in frustration. _'He's got me wrapped around his finger already...I hate him sometimes._'

"No Will, now is as good a time as any." She told her friend, figuring it was since the day was more than half over and Angel had yet to call her.

"So...Angel...there's a name we haven't heard since you made it akin to swearing. Does that mean he's back in town? Did you see him? Does he know about Joy!" Willow began, gaining momentum with every question.

They talked for almost an hour.

Willow had pulled the best-friend card and got Buffy to spill everything that had happened in the last 24 hours...everything.

"So you told him to leave?" Willow's scandalized voice asked.

"You think I was too hard on him?" Buffy questioned.

"Hell no" The witch cursed uncharacteristically, "He walked out on you while you were carry his child...that's low.

"Maybe I should have told him..." Buffy said more to herself.

"You made the right choice Buffy; just having a child together isn't a solid foundation for a working relationship...if there were issues, him knowing about Joy wouldn't have fixed anything...maybe it would have even made things worse." The red head reasoned to her friend.

"Yeah, I guess you're right...like always. How do you know so much?"

"I got straight A's in psych...and I know you. It's part of the best friend super power." She teased.

"Are you using magic on me?" Buffy half-joked.

"No, no magic. I promise, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye...who thought of that anyways...kids singing about dying and sticking needles in their eyes, that just wrong."

"Why hasn't he called yet?" Buffy asked aloud, frustrated with Angel beyond belief right now.

"I'm sure he will, and if he doesn't...I'll buy the ice cream..we'll have a 'drown our sorrows in Cookie Dough Fudge Mint Chip' movie night.

"Yeah" Buffy agreed, feeling funny when Willow mentioned that particular flavor. And not a 'haha, lol' kind of funny.

"Buffy?" Willow asked again.

"Huh? What? Sorry, I think I zoned off a second." Buffy apologized.

"I'll say, I called you four times...are you ok? Do you want me to come over?" Willow asked concerned.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just going to get dinner ready." Buffy said in her best, 'I'm fine, hear now fine I am' voice.

"Are you sure?" Willow asked.

_'Are you sure?'_ Angel's voice sounded in her head.

"Yeah, thanks Will. I'll call you tomorrow." With that she hung up.

...

That night she climbed into bed after bathing Joy and tucking her in. As she lay awake and staring at the ceiling, all she could think was, '_Angel never called.'_

...

The following day Buffy went about her normal routine; changing, bathing, feeding, playing with and teaching Joy. Her world revolved around her daughter...especially if said daughter's father was a no show...or a no hear rather.

Her phone stayed silent all morning and into midday.

Finally Buffy gave up hope.

Angel had ditched her again. Used her for a booty call and took off before any responsibility could catch up to him.

...

She dropped the mail she had gathered from the mailbox onto the table and was about to ignore the pile of bills when a flash of color caught her eye. She pulled the color photo postcard out from under a pile of white enveloped bills and looked it over.

On the cover, there was a picture of a beautiful red rose. Under it was written, thinking of you.

She turned it over and noticed there was no address written in or postage stamp.

In the space provided for a message, there was familiar handwriting.

_Buffy, _

_As it turns out, I don't have your new number. I called, and got an old woman living a few blocks away. She has a nice cat named Mr. Jinks and enjoys spying on the neighbors. Even though it was a wrong number she kept me on the line for almost an hour. I think she's lonely, maybe I'll go visit her. _

_Anyways, I just wanted to let you know I didn't forget to call. Seems you're unlisted...so I couldn't. _

_I didn't want to knock on the door, that would be breaking my promise to not come back for a week. _

_A note hardly seems an adequate replacement to hearing your voice._

_Counting the days until I can see you again._

_(Heart) Angel_

_P.S. Kiss Joy goodnight for me?  
_

_...  
_

Buffy read and re-read the postcard. Each time her heart opened a little further. '_He didn't leave me._' She thought happily.

...

When the longest week of her life finally ended, Buffy found herself terrified.

She was pacing in her living room, Joy napping in her playpen.

'_Ok Buffy, pull yourself together. You're a slayer...like 100x stronger than Angel is...yet he can floor you with a sentence...'_

She turned and paced in the other direction.

'_What if he doesn't come? What if he decided after he wrote the note, that he didn't want me? What if I pushed too hard, if he...why an I so worried about what he thinks? I should be worried about what I think...what do I think?'_

Before she could think of an answer, the doorbell rang.

Without thinking at all, she reasoned that just letting instinct take over worked best in most situations, she opened the front door and found Angel standing on her doorstep.

He sent her a warm smile, "Hey."

She returned the gesture, "Hi."

He held out his hand, a red rose in it. "For you."

She took it, "Thanks, that's...sweet." She looked down at it, and felt a warmth spreading threw her.

"Can I come in? Or if it's too soon, we can go for a walk?" He asked, unsure what to say.

"You can come in." Buffy said quickly, moving aside to let him walk past.

Once inside she played the proper part, "Have a seat. Can I get you a drink?"

"No, I'm good. Gwen wouldn't let me leave this morning until I drank at least three glasses of her homemade lemonade. Although, I have to admit, it didn't take much persuasion...she's a really good cook."

He sat on her couch as he talked, she sat on the other end, leaving a respectable but not eccentric distance.

Buffy felt a stab of jealousy and hurt run though her chest, "Gwen?" she asked aloud. _'Wouldn't let him leave this morning? He spent the night with another woman?_' She thought to herself.

"Yeah, I wrote you about her. The old woman with your former number, Gweneth Jacobson. Sweet lady, little senile, but she makes amazing cookies. I went over and talked to her, turns out she owns the apartment building she lives in, husband left it to her when he died. I've been staying in one of her apartments, helping fix up the place as rent. She's lonely, makes her feel better to cook for someone, and I do tend to get hungry...so it's been working out."

"Oh" Buffy exhaled, relieved he wasn't already moving on with someone else.

"Her son works at an ad agency, said to give him a portfolio of what I can draw, he might be able to get me a job."

"That's great, really Angel, I'm surprised actually." She admitted.

"What? You thought I'd just be wandering the streets at night? I am over 300, I know a little about how to survive on my own." He countered.

She looked down, a little embarrassed she thought he would founder without her holding him up.

"Anyways, I didn't come here to start a fight, or to talk needlessly about myself...I was hoping we could talk about us." He offered.

"Us?" She asked, unsure she trusted the word.

"Maybe talk over a coffee?" He asked, unsure.

"Coffee?" She asked, remembering the numerous failed coffee dates she had with him as a vampire. Or more accurately, the numerous lack of dates. Patrolling or their sketchy relations always got in the way of a real date. "You want to take me out for coffee?"

"Unless you prefer dinner?" He offered.

She nodded, "Yeah, that...sounds great." After a moment, "When?"

"Whenever you like."

"Tonight?" She suggested.

"Pick you up at 7pm?" He asked.

She smiled and was about to nod when she re-thought. "Oh, wait, I can't...early patrol tonight. I won't have a sitter, Dawn can only watch Joy for an hour, then she's going out with her friends." she told him dishearten.

"Patrol early then come over to my place, bring Joy. I'll cook. No sitter required." He suggested.

"I don't know..." Buffy thought, wondering if that was such a great idea.

"Or I can watch Joy here, we can order take-out when you get back?" He offered again.

"You're really desperate to get back in my pants aren't you?" she questioned.

He sighed, "This has nothing to do with your pants, Buffy. I just want to talk to you, find some middle ground we can both stand on. Hell, if you're concerned I'm just trying to make a move on you, I'll have Gwen make us dinner. We wouldn't get more than a minute of privacy with her around."

"I'll pass on Gwen, maybe another time." She declined, uncomfortable with the idea of having some strange old woman cook her dinner. "So what exactly do you know about babysitting?" She asked, wondering what qualifications a former vampire had to watch a baby.

"Well I did help my mother raise my sister, and if you're talking recent...I had a son." He finished with a glint of pain in his eyes.

"A son?" she asked, just now remembering he'd mentioned having a son while ranting to her over a week ago. She had thought he was being metaphorical...now, not so much.

"Tell you about it tonight?" He asked to change the painful subject.

"Chinese?" She said, figuring he had done everything she'd asked of him. A place to stay, job, showed up on time...she might as well give him that chance she'd promised.

"Huh? He asked.

"Tonight, Take-out...I want Chinese." She clarified.

He smiled, "What time do you want me here?" Inside, he did a little happy dance that he was being admitted.

"Sunset?" She suggested, so she could leave right when the vamps came out to play and get home early enough to actually enjoy dinner.

"I'll be here." he promised.

...

That night, Angel babysat Joy, freeing Dawn up to leave earlier and letting Buffy patrol time-limit free.

He showed up a few minutes prior to sunset and Buffy walked him though the 'parent to babysitter' list of emergency numbers and where Joy's things were and 'how to do this' and 'what to do if's'.

She pulled a few little containers from the fridge so Angel could feed her later. "She hasn't been hungry as much lately, I'm not sure why. Hopefully you have better luck that I have."

Buffy had been mildly surprised that Joy was so content with him, she wasn't usually good with new people...mostly since Buffy never left new people alone with her, but she figured Joy could somehow sense she wasn't in danger...

When he finally convinced her Joy would be perfectly fine, she tucked stakes into her secret pockets and headed out.

...

Angel spent a majority of the time doing everything he could to tire Joy out.

And he was convinced she was doing the very same thing.

He played with her, encouraging her to walk with help and do baby pull ups to strengthen her arms. He emptied her toy box and played with everything one at a time with her, building blocks, shape puzzles, colored rings, little dolls...she had a lot of toys.

He was thoroughly enjoying the first time, father daughter bonding experience. Although Buffy still wasn't comfortable with the word 'dad' being said, he somehow felt Joy knew who he was to her.

When he took the rambunctious six month old into the kitchen to feed her, he spotted the rose he'd given Buffy earlier sitting in a little vase on the table. He smiled. The postcard he'd left in her mailbox was resting beside it. The sight of those little mementos out in the open and not tossed in a drawer or the trash made him even more determined not to let her down again.

...

Joy wasn't eating. No matter how he tried...not even little airplane noises with the spoon worked. Finally he took a bite of the mush to see what was so bad about it. His eyes widened and his face crinkled in disgust.

Joy laughed at him.

"Glad you're finding this amusing. Ehh, what is that?" He said spitting the goop out of his mouth and into a napkin. He looked at the container label, 'Strawberry yogurt'.

"I hate yogurt too." He said to the tot, tossing the untouched container in the trash and picking out some applesauce from the fridge.

"How about giving this a try for me?" he asked with his most charming smile.

Joy took a bite, and another and another.

"There we go." He talked to her as she took the offered spoonfuls, "It wasn't that you weren't hungry...you just didn't like the selection. Me either, yogurt...yuck. I guess we have something in common, besides chocolate brown eyes...and a love for a certain beautiful slayer."

...

After she was fed and changed, and he washed the remains of applesauce from her hair, he suited her into the pjs Buffy had left out. They were pink with letters that said, Mommy's little terror. "She got that right." Angel grinned while he read it.

The time he spent with Joy that night was constantly reminding him of his son Connor. The boy had only been a few months old when he was taken, he'd never gotten to experience him sitting up, or standing, playing with his toys.

Every second that went by, he was more determined to make sure nothing ever touched this little girl..._his_ little girl.

...

Joy loved peek-a-boo, he had to have said it at least 100 times in the last hour. She was also fascinated with a little stuffed pig, Angel remembered Buffy having a similar one back when Sunnydale still existed.

He also kept her interest with his little light ball show. She loved to see the light appear and disappear, hover and spin around the room.

...

By the time 9pm rolled around, father and daughter were both exhausted.

Angel was sprawled out on the couch, half-asleep while watching Joy sleeping soundly on his chest.

He ran his finger over her little cheek, then played with her tiny digits. In her sleep she grasped his finger in her fist.

...

When Buffy came home, that was the sight she found. Angel quietly snoring on her couch again, this time her daughter tucked safely in his arms, passed out on his chest.

She paused, feeling a well of emotion hit her at the image they made. A tear fell down her cheek. '_Oh, they're so adorable together. That, that's what I've been missing out on...I want more of that in my life.'_

She soundlessly walked over and settled into the chair across from them, sitting back and just watching them sleep.

...

It wasn't long before Angel awoke, he looked down at the bundle in his arms and smiled.

He felt eyes on him and looked up to see Buffy watching him. "Oh, hey. Sorry, I guess she wore me out." he confessed, feeling bad about falling asleep on the job and wondering if Buffy was going to be mad at him for it.

If she was mad, she didn't show it. "Looks like you wore each other out."

She stood and he sat up. When she came up to him he peeled the sleeping babe from his chest and handed her over to her mother. "Should be easy to tuck her in, she's already out like a light."

Taking her daughter she grinned, "Yeah, I can see that." After a second, "You didn't drug her did you?" She half-joked.

"No" he laughed quietly, "But I'm beginning to think she drugged me." He said hiding a yawn.

"I'll be back in a minute. If you're still up for Chinese, pick out what you want from the menu on the table." She called as she walked Joy upstairs to put her in bed.

...

When Buffy came back down, Angel looked more awake and was nose deep in the menu.

"Find anything?" She asked, plopping down on the couch beside him.

"Yeah...everything. Is everything an option?" He asked jokingly.

"Finally, a man after my own stomach." She said, grabbing the menu.

...

When the food arrived, they set up the boxes on the coffee table and sat together on the couch. After covering the safe topics of Joy, the weather, Gwen, patrolling, recent news...they got to the more touchy subjects.

Angel spent a large chunk of time explaining about Connor, and how he, as a sterile vampire, got to have a son.

Buffy hadn't been thrilled to hear about Darla being resurrected, but his story moved her deeply. She couldn't imagine the grief and despair she would feel if she lost Joy.

Before long, he changed the subject, telling her about some of the funny things he hadn't yet told her back when they were dating over a year ago.

So they sat on the couch and talked.

And talked.

And talked some more.

...

By the time they finished, the sun was threatening to rise.

"Morning." Angel said, in lieu of goodnight, leaned down and kissing Buffy's cheek as she sat beside him.

"Morning." She auto answered, still shocked at how much of his life she'd missed after he moved to L.A. Also the fact he actually told her as much as he did...that was shocking too.

"I'm going to head home. It's...early...too early." he said looking at the slowly lightening sky through the window.

"Yeah" she yawned, "I could used a little sleep."

"I'll be in touch." He promised.

"Oh, here." She said, grabbing a pen and writing her current home and cell numbers down, "Might help with the staying it touch thing."

He took a cell phone out of his pocket, "If I can figure out how to find the number..." He said, not knowing the new cell number or how to make the phone display it.

She took the phone and after punching in a few keys, wrote his cell number in her address book. Not that she needed to, it was already committed to memory the second she saw it.

"If you ever need a sitter, or just want to talk." He offered, indicating she should call whenever she needed him.

"I will." she promised.

She walked him to the door.

"Thanks, for a wonderful evening." she said as she opened the door.

"No, thank you."

"You got drooled and spit-up on for the beginning, then spent the rest of the night talking about difficult memories...doesn't sound like the best night from your perspective." She countered.

"I spent my night was doing exactly what I wanted to do." he admitted.

He turned and was about to leave when she grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

He would have questioned her, but he couldn't. Her lips were pressed too hard to his to allow for speech.

After his initial shock, he deepened the kiss. A moment later, Buffy found her back pressed against the door frame.

Finally they needed to breathe.

They parted for air.

"Wow" Angel mumbled as he inhaled deeply.

"Mmm." Buffy hummed as she leaned against him for support.

After a minutes, she asked, "Maybe you can stay?"

He looked like he wanted to say yes, but she shook his head. "No, I shouldn't. You were right, we need to take this slow. I want to do right by you. As much as I'd love to throw caution to the wind and make wild passionate love with you 24/7, I know that wouldn't help us lay a proper foundation to build on."

She nodded weakly. "Yeah, I suppose you're right."

"I hate being right."

She smiled, "Well it doesn't happen that often." She jabbed.

"Hey! No low blows. That's unfair." He defended.

"I'm shorter, low blows are easier to hit." She countered.

"On that note, I'll see you later?" he asked.

She nodded, "Yeah, that would be nice."

"You can stop by my place, meet Gwen. She'll bake you cookies."

Buffy nodded and before either of them could lose the resistance battle, he stepped off her front porch and walked off into the lightening sky.

When he was gone she whispered to herself, "I think I already have a baked cookie."

* * *

...Afterwards...

Everything wasn't perfect between them again; he was still on probation in her heart, at least 'on paper' anyways.

They weren't perfect, but they were good.

They decided to take things slow, not to just jump back into the mess they had just finished cleaning up.

He lived in an apartment complex nearby, he would come over to visit, let Joy get used to him being in her life. He would patrol with Buffy, or baby-sit if Dawn was busy. He took his girls out on weekends; picnics, the beach, shopping…anything Buffy wanted to do.

They had only one rule between them, no sleepovers.

It wasn't that they couldn't have sex, they did, it was to keep them from getting too comfy in their relationship.

Too much of a good thing tended to corrupt them, so they decided until marriage, they wouldn't spend the night at each others house.

They also decided the word marriage wasn't to be said until they were able to survive a year of their current living arrangement.

...

It didn't happen overnight, but slowly, Buffy started calling Angel 'daddy' in front of Joy.

It wasn't long before Joy stated picking up the sounds.

In fact, at eight months, dada ended up being her first word.

Buffy had been pissed at him.

However her fury was quelled when only twenty minutes later, Joy had said mama.

...

TBC...


	8. How Life Goes

It had been nearly six months and they had never been happier.

They were planning Joy's first birthday party, only days away.

Dawn had the baby and they were talking as they patrolled.

...

"I don't know, I don't think a circus theme would be such a good idea." Buffy cringed.

"Why not? Kids love circuses." He countered.

"I'm not sure if she does, every time Joy see a rerun of Bozo or one of those Ronald McDonald commercials she starts screaming. Truth be told, I'm not such a clown fan either, and neither is Xander. I think they freak Willow out too."

"Ok, ok, no circus." He relented.

"How about My Little Pony?"She suggested.

Angel didn't actually answer; his look of horror was enough.

She smiled, "Ok, no ponies."

They were silent in thought a moment, then Buffy suggested, "How about the Little Mermaid?" she asked.

"That cartoon with the singing fish?" he asked.

She shook her head, laughing to herself when she remembered making him watch it with her and Joy. He had said the same thing to her on that night.

...

_"It's a classic." She'd said._

_"It's a movie about singing fish." He'd countered._

_"It's one on my favorites."_

_"I prefer Casablanca."_

_"That's because you're an old fuddy-duddy."_

_He'd scowled at her._

_She giggled and kissed his cheek, "But you're __my__ old fuddy-duddy."_

_He shrugged, "I can live with that."_

_..._

"What's wrong with mermaids?" she asked him as they walked.

"Well, I'd have preferred pirates or race cars, maybe dinosaurs."

"Joy's a girl. So we're doing a girl theme." She insisted.

"Yes dear." He countered.

She sent him a glare and he realized he missed the 'walking on thin ice' sign and was about to fall though. He changed his answer, "I can handle mermaids."

And that's went everything fell apart.

...

The demon's came out of nowhere, they were nothing she'd ever seen before.

They were man sized, but that's where the similarities ended. Instead of a torso, they had a snake-like body. It had no distinguishable arms or legs, just many tentacles at the end of the body; each had a claw-like tip. Their heads were huge, just like their mouths, and those where full of sharp dagger like teeth.

"Let's not have a demon themed party." He suggested.

"Hold that thought" she had said to him as they prepared to fight.

The fight didn't last long; there were only six of the creatures, at three a piece that was nothing.

Buffy lunged into the closest, plowing both feet into what looked like a soft underbelly. She hadn't been wrong. The creature screamed in agony and writhed as something was broken within it's scaly gut.

Angel raised his hand and fired a fireball at his closest; the thing went up like some sort of grotesque dry Christmas tree.

Buffy threw a stake into the open mouth of one as it tried to eat her. The wooden tip lodged into the creatures throat and it began to gag and cough as it suffocated.

The one Angel set on fire fell and disappeared into a cloud of dust. He used that dust to set a whirlwind at his other two, pelting the pair with whipping winds and the debris from the street. A tin can in the mix was causing a lot of damage as its sharp edge tore at all sides of the snake-like beasts.

The last of Buffy's caught her off guard as she watched Angel's magic in fascination. She felt the claws at the ends of the tentacles sink into her arm. She ripped her arm away and set a fist at the body. It slithered away but she advanced.

"Buffy" she heard and turned in time to catch a sword from Angel.

'_Where the hell did he get a sword?_' she wondered, knowing he didn't have one on the way out the door.

She didn't question it again as she swung and hit the demon as it lunged, the blade rang true and the snake head went one direct and the body went another.

"Where did you get this sword?" she asked, swinging it around and liking the feel and balance of it.

He grinned, "Around."

She noticed the look of mischief in his eyes and looked closer at the blade. "Does that say spam?" she asked in confusion.

He chuckled and nodded, "It's comprised of scrap metal that was in the street. It's just like a ball of light, or the sandcastle…just a tad more deadly."

"I'd say, I like it. Can I keep it?" She asked.

"Sorry love, it only holds together as long as I'm willing it to." He admitted.

She frowned, "Damn."

He grinned, "I can do it as often as you like."

She smiled again, "K."

They turned and head on their way.

"So mermaids it is then?" she asked, still swinging the tin can sword.

"Yes, mermaids it is." He waited a beat, "But I'm not wearing a pink hat."

She grinned to herself, '_We'll see about that_.'

And that's when Angel was killed.

...

The first demon Buffy had brought down with a kick to the gut hadn't died like she thought, and before either of them could turn, it sunk it's fangs into Angel's shoulder.

He screamed as venom was pumped into him.

Buffy reacted instantly, bringing the sword up to slice its head off. Before the blade reached its neck, it disintegrated back into scrap.

Angel had lost his concentration and the magic vanished.

With her weapon gone, Buffy punched the creature in the face.

It let go of Angel and he collapsed to the ground in agony. His shoulder bleeding freely.

Buffy raged at the demon, sending kicks and punches in a haze of fury. It wasn't long before she broke its neck.

Before the demon even fell dead to the ground, Buffy was pulling Angel into her lap and inspecting the damage. '_It's only his shoulder, he'll be ok._' She told herself.

"Angel?" she called, running her fingers along his cheek. He was already sweating, his body starting to convulse, pain far worse than the bite would inflict showing on his pale face. Her gut clenched, she knew it was worse that it looked.

"Angel?" she called again, fear making her hold him tighter, as if she could stave off death with her grip alone.

He slowly opened his eyes, they were blurry with tears of pain. "Bu-ffy." He managed to say.

"Shh, try not to talk, you'll be ok." She soothed.

He knew better. He shook his head, "Poison." He coughed.

Her heart constricted. _'No, not poison, not now!'_

"Angel, stay with me ok, just stay awake." She took his hand and wrapped his clenched fist around his necklace. "You can heal yourself." She urged.

He couldn't.

Magic couldn't save him, not in the time he had...or in this case, didn't have. Cleansing his blood of the poison would have been a time consuming spell, like separating different colored sand from a mixed container. Not to mention he had already used a large portion of his will with the fire and wind spells.

"Can't" he told her through a grim mask of realizing, "Dying."

"NO! No you're not!" she cried into his hair. "You told me you wouldn't leave, you promised me! I'm not letting you go again."

They both had tears streaming down their cheeks, "I know." He whispered.

He shut his eyes and held the pendent around his neck tightly, there were so many things he wanted to say to her, but he didn't have time. He had maybe a minute left, two if he was lucky. His wildly beating heart was ironically his downfall, with every pump, the poison was pushed to more and more of his body.

His lips were moving, but Buffy couldn't hear the words. She hoped that didn't matter for whatever spell he was trying. She wanted to talk to him, she had so many things to say, but she kept quiet, not wanting to disrupt him concentration and ruin his spell. She held him tight and prayed.

He continued for almost three minutes, then he knew it was over. "I love you." He whispered.

Then his soul lost hold of the body.

...

She felt Angel sag in her arms. "Angel!" she cried and felt for his pulse, there wasn't one.

No breath was drawn into his lungs. His eyes were open, but there was nothing left to look out them.

She screamed his name again, but he never heard her.

...

Buffy stood ridged by the grave. She hadn't allowed herself to cry since the night he died.

She had held him for what felt like hours, waiting for a miracle. She knew he had been casting a spell; a part of her hoped whatever it was would have brought him back to her.

It didn't.

She had sent the gang away, had them take Joy with them. It was only a day until her daughter's birthday, and she found she had not a celebratory bone in her body.

The love of her life was dead.

Forever this time.

Joyce would call for her daddy, every time she heard the word it was like a fresh knife in her heart.

She knelt at the freshly covered grave, and ran her fingers along the cool stone.

It reminded her of what Angel felt like long ago as a vampire.

Another knife.

She looked over the words; Angel O'Connor. Loving father and Husband. Rest in Peace.

True, he hadn't married her. She no longer had his ring, she had never worn a white dress and said some silly words of endearment. But she knew her heart was wed to his, had been for a long time, ever since she was 16.

He was a loving father, he treated Joy like gold; precious and valuable, someone to protect and defend. She knew Angel had loved her, loved them both.

She also knew Angel was dead.

He left her again.

She stood up, wiped the stray tear from her eye, and walked away.

...

TBC...


	9. What happens now?

The gang had tried to convince her to reschedule the party, or to just not have one at all.

Joy was one, she wouldn't remember the party, had been the argument.

Buffy refused. _'I'll remember.'_

Her heart was shattered...again, but there were enough pieces left to limp along.

The party would happen; she was Buffy, she always carried on.

...

As she planned with Angel, their last decision together, it was mermaid themed.

There weren't a lot of people, just the gang.

Willow, Giles, Xander and Dawn. She didn't know many people in town, and Joy was too small for school and having friends of her own yet.

So it was just them.

She was getting ready to bring out the cake when a strange man walked into the backyard.

Her gut flip-flopped and she walked over to him, ready for a fight if needed. _'I could use a punching bag right now...'_

Nothing would ruin her little girl's first birthday party.

Nothing else anyways.

...

"Buffy."

It was the way he said her name that sent a shiver though her body.

"Who are you?" she demanded, in no mood for quips and jokes.

"I…I'm…Listen this is going to sound crazy. Trust me, I still having trouble with it, and I did it. Don't freak ok?" he told her.

She furrowed her brow at the confusing word and looked into his eyes.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Her mouth moved before her mind could process why. "Angel?" It asked, feeling something familiar about this stranger.

His eyes widened a moment in surprise, then he sent her a lopsided grin, a very Angel-like grin. "I told you I wouldn't leave you. I mean to keep that promise."

She took a step back, eyes wide with painful emotion.

Denial rushed in. "You can't…he…he's dead…" she said shaking her head. '_Oh god, don't do this to me. I can't handle this now.'_

He took a step forward, "My body died Buffy, not my soul."

"You…you can't be him…it's not possible." She was near tears by now.

He took another step towards her, "I died before I could tell you the details of the spell, there just wasn't enough time. Truthfully I wasn't sure it would work."

"What was it? Now?" she asked, wanting desperately to believe him.

"I sent my soul into another body." He admitted.

"You stole someone's body?" she asked, horrified he'd be willing to kill to save himself.

"He was a coma patient, his soul was already gone." He countered.

Slowly she let the idea spread though her. '_Angel alive, just in a different body._'

"Angel?" she said again, coming closer.

"It's me Buffy." He replied.

She looked him over; he was tall, not bad on the eyes. His hair was short cropped and dirty blond. The eyes that reflected Angel so much weren't brown, but steel blue. His body wasn't as muscular are she was used to, but it had potential.

"Prove it." She whispered.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

She thought a moment, "What's the last thing I said to you?"

He shook his head, "That part's a little fuzzy; I want to say something about not wearing a pink hat."

_'Ok, maybe this guy was standing nearby when Angel died.' _Her head reasoned.

"What's your favorite movie?" She tried again.

"I never told you my favorite movie" he countered.

_'He's an imposter._' Buffy thought as her heart sank.

"I told you I preferred Casablanca over a cartoon of singing fish."

'_Ohmigod, it is him!_' Her heart thundered.

...

The gang had stood back and watched silently as Buffy and a stranger talked. None of them heard what was said but were all taken aback when Buffy pounced on the man, knocking them both to the ground.

They thought she was attacking, but then realized she was kissing him.

"She's insane." Xander announced. "Re-Dead-boy brought her sanity with him to the grave."

They quickly made their way over to her, intending to pry her off the poor fellow and bring her into the house.

Buffy ignored her family as they tried to pry her off Angel. Her grip couldn't be broken by any of them.

Angel had been too busy kissing her back to notice them at first.

"They have to come up for air at some point." Xander remarked. "We'll yank em apart then."

"It's ok Xander, its Angel." Buffy said in the brief intermission of kissage.

Xander turned to Giles, "See insanity at its finest."

Angel pulled his lips away and let Buffy snuggle up against his neck. "She's not insane, I am Angel."

"Ok, they're both insane." Xander amended.

"Willow, you've got the hocus-pocus, read my aura." The man claiming to be Angel suggested.

She looked uncomfortable with this guy knowing her name, but she did as Tara taught her to do and felt his aura.

Her eyes popped open, "Holy molly! Guys it's him…he really is Angel! I mean yeah, different body, duh, but it is his soul!" She said excitedly.

They were all taken by surprise, but quickly warmed to the happier atmosphere.

...

Joy had been watching the adults mope about, then suddenly everyone was happy again.

She smiled and clapped, enjoying the lightened mood as well.

She started to hear everyone saying her daddy's name, soon she started to say daddy too. She missed him, but was confused when she didn't see him.

Aunty Dawn brought her over to a strange man, that wasn't daddy. Why would no one bring her to her daddy?

"Joy honey?" she turned her head and look into the strange man's face, "Hey, don't cry sweetheart, it's ok. I know you don't understand, it's me, it's daddy."

She didn't understand, but she felt him.

She could see her mother holding the new blond man tight, kissing him like she saw her kiss her daddy.

Somehow...she just knew. "Daddy?" she asked. Standing in his lap and putting her little hands on his face.

"Yeah baby, Daddy's here." He told her, kissing her fingers. "Happy Birthday, baby girl."

She smiled and wrapped her little arms around his neck, Buffy joined her.

It turned out to be a great party...and the best gift Joy ever got.

...

After cake and presents, the gang was starting to get the impression Buffy and Angel wanted to be alone together.

Dawn offered to take Joy for the night and neither made any effort to say no.

...

Once alone, they sat together on the couch, both still working over the shock of the day.

Out of nowhere, Buffy punched Angel in the arm.

"Ow! Hey! What was that for?" He demanded.

She sat closer to him, "You left me." She said softly.

His anger dissolved and he drew the sobbing slayer into his arms. "Only for a few days...and I came back to you."

She shook her head against his chest, "No...you didn't." She denied, wiping tears from her eyes.

"I didn't?" He asked her, confused.

"You're just an illusion." She told him, "I must have had a nervous breakdown in the yard...I'm probably outside right now dreaming, just drooling at the clouds."

"I'm not a dream." He assured her.

"That's what all dream people say." She countered.

"Ok. Then I am a dream." He said.

"In that case, don't wake me." She suggested.

He grinned, then leaned down and kissed her, pulling her into his lap and making sure to touch her as much as possible, to prove he was really there with her.

She went along eagerly, even if it was her being delusional, she needed this.

...

Buffy slowly awoke. Opening her eyes she found her bedroom wall looking blankly back at her. She felt herself tangled in the sheets, having tossed and turned all night got her wrapped up like a mummy.

'_It was a dream._' She thought, thinking back to the party. '_I dreamed Angel came back to me...why did I have to wake up?'_

Figuring she passed out from insanity, either Giles or Xander must have brought her into the house, that was how she ended up in bed.

She turned her head and almost screamed.

There was a stranger in bed with her.

The man stirred, slowly he opened his eyes and looked up at Buffy staring wide eyed at him. "Buffy? Are you ok?" he asked.

Her mouth almost fell open as she remembered the events of the previous afternoon.

"You...you're still here." She whispered.

His brow furrowed, "Oh, right. No sleepovers." He said slowly, realizing he broke their rule last night when he fell asleep in her bed. He didn't realize she meant he wasn't a dream as she'd convinced herself he was.

He sat up and went to grab his hastily discarded clothes when she grabbed him and drew him back under the covers.

He was no match for slayer strength.

Once she pulled him back in bed, she began running her fingers over the different features of his face. She went on a quest to explore every new inch of him.

"Having fun?" He asked, enjoying her wandering hands.

"You're really here." She stated.

He leaned up and kissed her cheek, "I really am."

"What happens now?" she asked, snuggling against the warmth of his chest.

"Well, I guess I should head home..." He started, but she cut him off.

"No." She told him, not letting him go. "After the events of the last few days, do you honestly think I'm letting you out of this bed..ever again?"

He chuckled, "What about our rules?" he asked.

"To hell with the rules." She said, snuggling further into him.

He kissed the top of her head. "We'll figure something out."

"You stay. There, figured out." She stated.

"We still have 6 months left." he countered.

She looked up at him, "Huh?"

He shook his head, grinning. "Our agreement, one year with the rules...then we take the next steps."

"Oh, that." She said gloomily. "Can we skip that?"

He ran his hand down her back, caressing the bare flesh. "I died Buffy. I'm in a stranger's body. Angel O'Connor is lying in a grave someplace...somehow I don't think jumping into something will be beneficial. Let's just stick to the plan...if everything goes well...in six month I'm asking you to be my wife."

She looked up at him, into the face of a total stranger, and at the same time, into the face of the man she loves.

She smiled at the wife idea, "When did you get to be the voice of reason anyways?"

He chuckled, "It took me long enough, but I'm finally learning from my mistakes."

* * *

...Two years later...

Buffy absently ran her fingers over the swell of her abdomen, her second child kicking strong and healthy from within.

A scream brought her eyes from the magazine she had been reading up to the kiddie pool across the lawn, where her three year old and her husband of just over a year and a half were splashing a majority of the water out onto the grass.

Sometimes she forgot which of the two was the adult...

The high pitched child's scream of happiness exploded into a fit of giggles.

She lifted up her sunglasses and watched them, smiling at the pair. '_Soon I'll have three kids_.' she thought rubbing her belly.

It was a typical summer weekend, a break from the day to day chaos.

Joy screamed again as Angel tickled her.

_'Well not so much a break from the chaos...'_

Life was good.

It may have taken a little time to adjust to Angel looking so...not Angel. But now she found herself sometimes forgetting how he used to look, her memories inserting the dirty blond, blue eyed version of her husband over the original. _  
_

She would never forget the eyes however, those chocolate pools her daughter shared with her husband's former body.

'_I wonder who you'll look like?'_ she thought at her unborn.

She knew this baby would share no resemblance to Angel's former appearance, but she still wondered if 'he' (according to the ultrasound) would look like her, or Angel's 'new' form, or maybe her mother, as Joy had.

_'Just have to wait and see...won't be long now.'_

She was interrupted by her thoughts as two pair of wet arms wrapped around her.

"Fish hug!" Joy yelled.

"Ahh!" Buffy yelped at the invasion.

After a moment, Joy kissed her mother then ran off to play in the sandbox...or to make herself a walking sand pile due to the moisture on her body.

"Did I mention I'm really looking forward to her having a sibling to play with?" Angel commented as he slid into the lawn chair beside Buffy.

"She finally wearing you out?" Buffy asked with a smirk.

"She could wear out the energizer bunny...thrice over." He said leaning back and enjoying the feel of the warm sun on his wet skin. "It's times like this I wish I still had my magic, I could use an energy boost."

Buffy watched him a moment, enjoying the view from her end.

His magic had died with his original body, the power of a druid lies within the body and was not transferable with the soul. He missed it sometimes, but he had enough between Buffy and Joy to keep him occupied. Not to mention another baby on the way...

His patrolling days had ended too, after being killed with special powers to boot, Buffy wouldn't even let him near a demon as a purely mortal man.

"What are you thinking?" He asked a few minutes later.

"How nice it will be being able to see my feet again." She joked.

He got up and slipped into the chair behind her, wrapped his arms around her swollen belly.

"God, I can't believe I missed this with Joy." he said tracing her baby bump. He was rewarded with a strong kick.

"Oh yeah...morning sickness, cravings, mood-swings, fat wife...such a loss there." She said sarcastically.

"You're not fat." He urged while kissing her cheek. "This" he said holding her stomach, "Is all baby...no fat what-so-ever."

"Says the guy who can see his toes." She dead panned.

"You do realize you being pregnant has made you like 100x more attractive to me right?" He asked hugging her impossibly closer.

"I'm less attractive when I'm skinny?" She pouted.

"No, I never said anything about less attractive. That's not possible with you. It's just...knowing you're carrying my baby...it's like a natural high." he admitted.

"Well you best float your butt back to earth when I need help feeding and changing the baby..."

"Not going anywhere." He promised, kissing her neck.

It was a promise he kept.

...

The End.

* * *

If you want a Buffy/Angel raise kids together fic, try my 'The Journey, not the Destination' story. WIP

Most stories I write where they get together would eventually bleed into 'The Journey' anyways.

Disclaimer: Any Druid related parts are purely fiction or stolen from various websites.


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